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The Woof Of Wall Street: Vine Wants To Hire An Office Dog

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“Who’s a Good Doggie?! Who’s a Good Doggie?!” If the answer is you, if you’re a good doggie, then you might be able to work for Vine.

Just when you thought you’ve seen everything, the popular 6-Second video app Vine announced today that they are looking to hire an Office Dog. Not adopt a Dog. Hire a dog.

The company is looking to add a Dog to the team at their New York office, and are presumably looking to pay him in Milk Bones and Belly Rubs. The only real qualification is that the professional pooch must be housebroken, neutered and not completely smell like shit. Testicles need not apply.

Responsibilities for the position include: Welcoming employees, keeping employees from working too hard, providing kisses to employees, and training other dogs around the area.

They also clearly want the puppy to be Vineable and fun, so they can plaster the puppy all over the internet in six second bursts meant to make you incredibly jealous that your office doesn’t have a dog, or if it does, it’s certainly not as cute as the one Vine has.

They’re also looking for a dog who is:

Potty trained
Neutered
CUTE
Relatively quiet
Can’t reach my lunch
Boundless enthusiasm for staring into the distance at absolutely nothing whatsoever
Vineable
Hypoallergenic
Gets along with other office dogs
Familiar with Woof, Arf, Bark, Sniff, Deploy! (WABS)
Computer science degree from Ivy League school
Can catch midair multiple remote controlled helis concurrently

Sounds like someone in HR had a lot of time on their hands when they wrote this job listing.

In all seriousness, I personally hope they adopt or rescue a dog out of a shelter if they’re really looking for an office dog. There’s far too many good boys and girls out there that need homes, especially in New York City, for them to go out and buy a dog from an irresponsible breeder or puppy store.

[via Entrepeneur]

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