I once wrote a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Is this true? I am extremely happy to report it is. I did, in fact, send in a cover letter to a company that, according to the job description, was looking for a copywriter who was into bad rom coms, Twitter, and candlelit spaghetti Tuesdays.
I’m also happy to report I am not the least bit shy, and I’m willing to share with you and the rest of the Interwebz said cover letter.
“Lindsay N. Sayers
BFE, Kentucky, USA
Company Shall Remain Nameless
Online Content Copywriter
To whom it may concern:
I don’t mean to sound too forward here, baby girl; but I think we’re meant to be together. Spaghetti Tuesdays and a bad rom com? Could you be my soulmate? Let me put a little slow jam on while we get to know each other a little better.
I don’t do that whole “settling” thing, girl, and I think you should know that upfront. That’s why I’m coming to you. You’re like a dream come true and I just want to be with you. You’re more than someone I want to be with–you’re someone I want to work for. I want to be a better me because of you, girl. It’s plain to see that you’re the only one for me.
There are five steps to writing copy. One: your lead. It needs to be damn good. Two: check out that body, girl. Three: you close the deal. Four? Repeat steps one through three. And five: that’s where I make you fall in love with me, just as I have fallen in love with you. Was that too forward? Tradition be damned, we’re meant to be together and I want the world to know. And if ever I believe my work is done, then I’ll start back at one.
Thank you for your time and consideration for this position.
Lindsay N. Sayers
P.S. Is there a rose ceremony for this? Because that would be cool.
P.P.S. Dear Mr. McKnight, please don’t sue me. Thanks.”
Did I write this with the belief it was going to land me the job? No. Would it have been the best employment story ever? Yeah, probably. I’d tell that story at my five year high school reunion–while holding out both middle fingers, but before hijacking the AirEvac helicopter after it lands with the game ball because I come from a small town that does dumb shit like that. So why did I write it? It has a lot to do with the vast amount of time I have on my hands.