I love a good Fathead. There’s just something about seeing a life-sized alpha male athlete on your wall that really seems to bring out the best in a person. Every morning, I walk into my office, and who’s there to say hello? Well, it’s none other than the great Jay Cutler, and he’s blasting a heater.
Okay, maybe looking over at Cut doesn’t exactly inspire one to really give it hell, but you never know. He may flourish under John Fox…
Sorry, I’m burying the lede here. Fathead recently announced that they obtained the rights to produce Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, and Wayne Gretzky Fatheads. Huge get for them. Well done. As a fervent Tiger supporter, and proponent of #SummerOfTiger, I must say that I was a little disappointed with Fathead’s Tiger collection, in particular. See below.
— Golf Digest (@GolfDigest) May 27, 2015
Alright. Look, I love the Sunday red thing, and I’ll have one of those on my wall by week’s end, but that just doesn’t move the needle for me. I need edge. I need Tiger at his most alpha on my wall, helping me achieve greatness. My Fathead requests are as follows:
Roof Raise (One Hand)
Perhaps his defining moment, and an early indicator of the many hole-outs to come, Tiger’s ace at the ’97 Phoenix Open, and the subsequent one-handed roof raise, inspired golfers everywhere. Maybe it’s just me (doubt it), but I think every office could benefit from young, roof-raising Tiger Woods.
LOL Wut Press Conference
This may be my favorite. Tiger’s not afraid to swat your weak journalist shit out to half-court if you fail to come correct. This face says it all, and it’s a face that I need on my wall.
The Chip (Failed High-Five)
What a remarkable moment. The way I see it, Tiger’s chip-in at the ’05 Masters was significant for two reasons: 1) It propelled him to his fourth Green Jacket, and 2) His remarkably uncoordinated high-five attempt.
Nope, that hand-to-hand contact is not crisp, but who cares? I know this Fathead would require Stevie, and everyone hates Stevie, but I think this awkward exchange really showcases the human element. Don’t act like this wouldn’t be on your wall.
’08 US Open (Lean Back, Double Pump Thrust)
Yep, that goes on my wall. He’s just straight up thrusting. So what if you can kind of see his D? That’s the GOAT’s D, and you need to respect it.
2000 PGA Championship (Power Walk With Power Point)
Damn. Dude was just out there pointing at putts. I was just learning the game when I saw this happen live, and from that point on, I pointed down every putt I rolled outside of 8 feet. That point is basically sign language for “KOBE!” Just give us the Fathead, please.
Club Drop IDGAF
This should be in a hallway of every office building across America. Tiger made it cool to drop a club and completely berate yourself. It’s a boss move that I replicate on important calls by just dropping the phone. A clubless Tiger Fathead says, “Hey, I just made a huge mistake, and I’m going to let you know about it.” It’s humbling, and sometimes you need a reminder that just because you crushed Q2, it doesn’t mean you’re going to have a big Q3..