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Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: Super Bowl Sunday

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will@grandex.co.

The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: Super Bowl Sunday

Super Bowl Sunday. It’s a candle that burns at both ends. Tired from the weekend that was, The Super Bowl is a must-watch event that often comes with party invitations, decadent foods, and beers aplenty. The game itself is not Scary, but the second the Vince Lombardi Trophy is handed from commissioner to quarterback, things change. A wave rushes over you and you realize that you do, in fact, have to work the next day. It’s been ranked as the #4 most anxious night of the year, and for good reason.

Last night, I wanted to change things up. I wanted to do something different because Super Bowl Sunday is unlike any other Sunday of the year. Your Panic Room goes by the wayside and your only priority is fitting as much food into yourself as humanly possible, which is why I solicited your best spreads from the night that was.

And here’s what we got.

Damn. I see everything from queso to hummus to pigs in a blanket here. Sneaky vegetable tray in an effort to appear healthy even though everything else is thousands of calories? Classic move.

I realize this is a hot (and probably incorrect) take, but I’m not a tots guy. I respect the tot, but it’s not something I’m going to make ahead of oven french fries or baked potatoes. But hell, I’ll eat anything smothered in bacon, sour cream, and green onions though.

Last night, my roommate made ribs. “I’ll just have one” turned into, “Okay, maybe another.” Next thing I knew, I was a half-slab in wallowing away under my comforter wishing I’d just eaten a salad instead.

Leah, you’re more than welcome at my Super Bowl LII party next year because this wasn’t some lazy “throw Tostito’s queso dip in the microwave” middle of the mall shit. You put in the work needed and couldn’t respect you more for that.

Good for this guy. I’m not entirely sure what he conjured up at his parents’ house, but I feel like I’m looking at some sort of potato bacon-filled cheese ball or something. But as it goes with most huge appetizer spreads, I’ll pretty much try anything even if I don’t know what’s in it.

The over/under was set at me eating 3.5 taquitos last night, and I’ll just say it – I hammered the over.

Oh, wait, that’s just Corinne preparing for her two-on-one date. My bad.

Stay tuned next week for our regularly scheduled programming.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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