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The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: Long January

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will@grandex.co.

The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: Long January

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January has a way of rearing its ugly head when you least need it. The post-Holiday hangover lingers from January 1st until you get that first glance of warm weather starting to creep in. The cold wind drags on and makes your head spin. Last night, it was full-Scaries mode.

It’s rare that I tweet my own account looking for light at the end of the tunnel. I like to be in my own personal Panic Room around 7:30 – late enough that I’m not wasting my afternoon, but early enough that I have time to cool my mind before the Scaries really burst through my head like a freight train. My iPhone? It’s still bent. An end to Sober January can’t come soon enough. Sure, my laundry is done, but what did I watch last night? The back of my eyelids at 9 o’clock. Luckily for me, upon waking up this morning, I had no shortage of beautiful Panic Rooms gracing my notifications.

Is that a Boykin Spaniel I see? I may or may not have spent an hour on a Springer Spaniel breeding website last night debating contacting them in regard to a puppy I saw, so yeah, I’m obviously on board. You know, minus your Crocs.

You were only 6 days late on The Bachelor, man. Truly impressive.

Normally, I don’t recommend brown liquor on a Sunday night. Sundays are for lighter drinks – wine, light beers, ice water. But when it’s January and you can’t stand to go outside without a down and a liquor jacket? Drink up.

Red eye flight on a Sunday night? Nah. Nope. Nuh-uh.

Oh, man. Aaaaand we’ve got the frontrunner of the week. Scaries tee + Sunday Night Kill Myself playlist + planning for a trip to Paris? Have yourself a night.

Nothing to see here, people. You know, outside of this dude crushing his fucking Scaries.

Wearing a choker on a Sunday night just seems like something that would make me have a claustrophobic panic attack.

Not pictured: A-Rod drinking rosé out of a Yeti that he bought from Man Outfitters.

Absolutely love it. We’re seeing a resurgence of Scaries enthusiasts cueing up the site in their photos. And TBH, not hating it one bit.

I hope these guys know how hard you’re going to mail it in this week.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – there are no Scaries like when you get eliminated from the playoffs. That being said, I don’t give a shit if the Steelers or Patriots ever lose in the playoffs because they’ve seen more Super Bowl rings in my lifetime than I’ve ever seen Lions playoff wins.

I thought football players didn’t have to go to class?

I’ll never understand it, but I swear that dogs can feel when it’s Sunday night. I mean, just look at those eyes. Those eyes don’t look like the eyes of two dogs who aren’t on the verge of begging for a Thunder jacket.

Traitor.

Diesel on a Sunday night? I feel bad for anyone who shares a bathroom with you at work.

This is just a guy who goes to his Panic Room every Sunday night, puts his head down, and gets to work.

You have two options when you’re traveling on a weekend: fly out early Sunday morning so you can avoid any chance of a delay / in-airport Scaries, or you can take Monday off and enjoy yourself. You did neither, and I know that you know you messed up.

RIP Ted. You lived a #blessed life up until this point.

Calling your socks “deFreezys” is a form of cyberbullying which is something we don’t condone when emotions are at an all-time high.

We get it, Max. You love the Patriots.

(This is me being bitter.)

Stemless is a high-key clutch move because any type of spill on a Sunday night could ruin your entire week moving forward.

Ughhhhhhh. We getttttt itttttttttt. You have a dynasty. Cool.

Do you have “mono” just like Aaron Rodgers had “the flu” or…?

Boom. Roasted. And yes, there’s a theme here – I don’t feel bad for teams I hate.

At least she didn’t just show up to see you naked on your couch in full-jack mode.

You had me sold on your life until you hit me with the Packers piece.

The Crown is a clutch move. Makes you feel smart while also allows you to zone out and look at English countryside landscapes for hours on end. 10/10 would recommend.

Please check in with us toady and let us know you’re alive.

That new Mayer is flames, and you know he’s riding the wave. Sure, his merch isn’t as airtight as mine but he’s still a full-time Scaries staple.

Monday Xanax pretty much just means you’re having a three-day weekend. Enjoy it.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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