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The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: Golden Globes

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will@grandex.co.

One of the greatest gifts God gives us on a hungover and desperate Sunday night comes in the form of an award show. No matter what you did this weekend that would make your parents question cutting you off, you can pretty much guarantee that someone on the screen is going to do something much, much worse.

Plus, there’s always going to be a slew of incredible looking girls to look at to take the edge off (or, you know, bearded guys in tuxedos if that’s more your speed). I mean, just look at last night alone where Emily Ratajkowski took home the “Would” Award.

While Kristen Bell came in a close second.

I guess it’s the year of the bare-middle-of-your-chest. Who would’ve thought?

Anyway, let’s get to the best of the best Panic Rooms from last night, because Lord knows there were a lot of ’em.

It looks like this pup took a Xanax but it’s probably just sedated from the thunder jacket that is the rainbow sweater that it’s in. There’s a lot of rainbow wool going on here which I’m not fully understanding, but different strokes for different folks. At least there’s wine.

The tall ice water/tea combo both in Yetis shows that this dude has put in the work to ensure his Sunday nights are going to be well-hydrated. And honestly, you should too because we sell every single Yeti product at Man Outfitters. I’m not telling you to use the code ‘PGP10’ at checkout for 10% off, but I am kindly suggesting it.

W Hotel on a Sunday night with everything expensed in and the Empire State Building in the distance? That’s Scaries gold. Order some room service, bro, you’re not driving.

We get it, Jordan, you can afford a tight ring and drink whiskey out of crystal.

(That’s not me demeaning you, that’s me being jealous that you’re bougier than I am.)

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg. Look at that pup.

On a night when there’s something as entertaining as The Golden Globes on (widely known as the drunkest awards show), I’m not sure why you’d watch an old movie. But I’ll never truly condemn someone for watching Caddyshack with that beauty of a setup.

See, this is what I’m talking about, people. Wine + Book (that you’re not actually reading but simply having it out makes you feel smarter) + Candles + Award Show = Scaries Be Gone.

Noted Post Grad Problems Reddit Moderator getting into the mix (and out of his parents’ house). Gift and a curse, bro, had to happen sometime. If anything, it’ll make your return trips home that much better.

With that brother in arms by your side, I think you’ll do jusssssst fine in nursing school. Springer Spaniels are widely considered the greatest dogs of all-time as concluded by a one-man poll that I conducted with myself.

Say what you want about leaving your tree up a week after New Year’s, this. is. a. chill. sitch.

The iPad supplementing your on-screen entertainment is a Sunday Scaries tradition unlike any other.

No no no no no no no no no no. At least he didn’t send me a picture of this hell hole.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. I NEED A CHASER. GIVE ME A CHASER.

Ahhhh, that’s better. I would’ve gone 69 degrees but that’ because I’m immature. Either way, a beautiful closing for a beautiful week of Panic Rooms.

And since there isn’t an award show next week, I’d suggest starting on Netflix’s The Crown that won both best actress in a drama television series and best drama series last night. British period pieces do a good job of making you feel smart / making you feel like you didn’t black out the night before off well whiskey at the same bar you always go to. Until next week, everyone.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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