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The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: December 4

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will@grandex.co.

The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: December 4

It’s 4 p.m., or sometime after your favorite NFL team’s game has just come to an end and you’ve realized that you doubled the allotted beer consumption you gave yourself before the game. But win or lose, you know one thing that’s consistent with every Sunday night: the anxiety that sets in before your return to work, school, or the office. It’s the Sunday Scaries, and if you haven’t figured out what they are by now, you’re a rare breed. But studies have shown that over half of millennials suffer from them, and once you start, it’s pretty damn tough to stop.

In an effort to avoid your Scaries amplifying themselves, we have coping mechanisms. When all of these coping mechanisms come together in the comfort of your own home, we have The Panic Room. Citing a column written at length about Panic Rooms, they can be summed up fairly simply:

The Panic Room has a consistent mix of sensory objects, all intentionally used to either heighten relaxation or diminish anxiety.

Sunday after Sunday, I sit in my bed with an iced water and the television playing just about two volume notches too low and rate the panic rooms that people submit to me. And now, it’s time to offer everyone a breakdown of the tradition we’ve come to love.

I’m not sure why, but this was the first of two people to express that they’re drinking an Oregon wine in defense of the Sunday blues. While I’m not an expert about Pacific Northwest wines, I respect it nonetheless. Oh, and the robe move? Pro.

This guy said to himself, “You know what? Why get regular Goldfish when you can get Flavor Blasted? I’m not drivin’.” You have to respect that move almost as much as you have to respect how responsible his entire apartment looks.

The only cure for the Sunday Scaries is taking Monday off, but taking a work from home day definitely helps – no commute, you can justifiably wear pants with an elastic waistband for as long as your heart desires, and you don’t have to lie to your coworkers by saying, “I had a pretty low key weekend,” when they know you got fucked up from Friday to early Sunday morning.

And tossing wine in a Tervis tumbler is a long-practiced move of Panic Roomers near and far. Bravo.

Patagonia Baggies? Check. Sweatshirt so people can’t see how bloated you are? Check. Pinot defense? Check. Ice water? Check. These are all staples that you can learn from, guys (and girls).

When you’re hungover and your place is a mess, your only move is to begin cleaning by giving your coffee table the attention it deserves. You have to get rid of everything on it that isn’t completely necessary – and yes, that includes empties, you savage.

You know our boy Josh here was like, “I need to eat something that’s not pizza,” so he hit the store for some apples. Mix in a little LaCroix and chill time in your bed and you’re on your way to Sleeptown, USA.

Any time you’re mixing and matching joggers with crewnecks, you’re going to be happy with the results. While I don’t recommend mixing and matching Xanax with alcohol (college kids are maniacs these days), you’re probably fine if you limp through one single glass of wine and ride that Xannie buzz into some terrible work dreams that’ll inevitably wake you up around 3 a.m.

One of our best submissions from the night. The sneaky Kombucha in the photo with a piece of Lulu gear and an impending work from home? All the clap emojis.

Whenever you’re with a dog at your mom and dad’s house, you know things are going to be chill af. It’s pretty tough to have a panic attack around your parents even though they’re probably in the other room saying, “Should we be worried about him?”

Everyone knows that fireplaces + Frasier + dogs = #chillsitch. It’s mathematics.

See, I thought I was the whitest dude ever until this dude played college tennis and was in a bocce league.

I got home from New York City last night with a case of Scaries and a sweaty pair of joggers on only to enter my room and see that the cleaning person had come while I was gone. Top five moment in my life that’ll probably rank somewhere between having kids and getting married.

No matter what you do, a newly shattered phone and a trip to the Apple Store is enough to make anyone reassess their entire life path.

Cashmere sweatpants? Damn, someone got a raise. But that What Women Want move is stellar – Mel and Helen Hunt knock it out of the park.

Beautiful work this week, everyone. And if you’re ever Scared and need someone to hold your hand, don’t forget to submit your Panic Room photos when the time comes on Sunday and you’re teetering on an existential crisis.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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