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The Stupidest Things My Friends Have Said In The Last Week

misc-jackie-chan-l

My friends are fantastic. I love them very much, but I swear to God, some of the things that leave their mouths are the most absurd things I’ve ever heard. Whether they’re completely out of nowhere, oddly offensive, or just plain stupid, I have enough ridiculous quotes from them to last a lifetime. To give you an idea, these are things that have left their mouths just in the last week.

  • “Who would you rather bang: Harry from ‘Harry and the Hendersons’ or Chewbacca?”
  • “I make it rain. Just call me Rain Man.”
  • 1: “What’s the movie where you see Halle Berry’s boobs? ‘Monsters’ something…?” 2: “ ‘Monsters, Inc.’?”
  • “If you don’t have cash on you, you write a check. You can make it out to mac and cheese, because that’s what I’m buying with it.”
  • “That guy is huge. He’s built like a…1980s SUV.”
  • “I don’t get it. She was so hot, like, seven months ago, and then just started gaining weight out of nowhere.” (Took him five minutes to figure it out.)
  • “Where the fuck is my cat? Wait, never mind, this isn’t my house.”
  • 1: “Who here has fucked the most girls?” 2: “I don’t know. Are we adjusting for inflation?”
  • During a game of Heads Up: 1: “The guy who invented the telephone.” 2: “LADY GAGA”
  • “Damn, she’s fast for a virgin.”
  • “There could be 30 chameleons in this room right now for all we know.”
  • “You guys wanna go to the beach and talk about pussy?”
  • “Who were the other presidents between the Bushes? Clinton and…?”
  • “If I had sex with my brother, would that be considered gay or incest?”
  • “Would you date Taylor Swift even if she didn’t put out?”
  • “You’re a fucking idiot. Boston is south of New York. Look it up.”

I know. I’m not sure why I’m friends with them, either. Actually, yes I am. I say shit that’s just as idiotic. In fact, a couple of these are actually quotes from me. And no, I will not tell you which ones. Our whole group is silly.

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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