Jared Freid (@jtrain56) is a comedian and one of the “Bros” at HeTexted.com. HeTexted is a site where girls can get advice on the texts they receive from guys. Every Thursday on PostGradProblems Jared will answer one of the questions from his HeTexted mailbag. These are real questions from real girls visiting the site each day. If you have any of your own dating questions go to www.HeTexted.com and ask Jared or any of the other Bros that fit your particular situation.
Q: Hey Jared! I went on a date with this guy and we had fun. We made out and now we’ve been texting. I’m not up for all the games and drama and I just want him to make a second date happen. How do I push him to make a date without him thinking I’m just going to hook up and be some chick?
A: We get it, girls. No drama. No games. We get it. Really, we do. You can stop saying things like, “I don’t want to play games,” and “I’m drama free,” and “I’m just real,” and “I never do this,” or any other statement that makes you feel better. That’s like saying, “I’m a foodie,” as if eating food is something you do especially well. We are all very similar and we all don’t want “games” and “drama.” Saying things like that is a detriment to the women’s movement. Like I could trick you into having sex with me. Like I could take a tennis ball and act like I’m throwing it and when you go to chase the ball you trip and fall into giving me a hand job. Games and drama are going to happen whether you want them to or not. If you’re out there to date, you’re going to find the good, the bad, and the ugly (thanks a lot, Instagram).
Everyone plays games and gets involved in drama when someone isn’t that interested in the other person. I have a lot of married friends. The girl doesn’t ever get up at the engagement party and say, “To think, this all started after the third time we rescheduled our second date.” It’s a lot easier to be aloof and say, “That was a lot of fun,” than it is to say, “Great date, now let’s hook up randomly since that’s all I really want.” If everyone was more honest, then there would be less drama and games–but there would also be more hatred and we’d feel less assured. When people play games it’s usually because someone likes getting the attention. Sure, he canceled the date last minute but at least he went out that night knowing someone wanted him. He may have ended up with pizza, but he could have been with Jessica if pizza wasn’t so delicious.
I went on a date with a girl who said stuff like she “didn’t want any games,” and she was “over the dating scene,” and “sometimes she can be a bitch but that’s just because she’s honest.” Think of going on a date with a guy who kept going on and on about how “money isn’t his passion.” You’d get ready to split the check in the same way I knew I was with a girl who wasn’t that confident, which was the very thing she was trying to profess. It actually felt like I was hanging out with someone who was scared. Scared of meeting a person who could disappoint her expectations. Scared that she’d open herself up, get judged, and not amount to the type of person the guy wanted. My advice to this girl is to stop professing your confidence and start living it. If she’s writing into me with words like “games” and “drama,” then she probably used them on the date. She may not live up to this guy’s standards, but his standards aren’t the same as the next guy’s–and maybe the next guy is looking for more than just a hookup (and pizza).
Jared Freid is a comedian and HeTexted “Bro” based in NYC. You can ask him dating questions at HeTexted.com or find him on Twitter (@JTrain56) for weekly columns, podcasts, and videos.