The summer of 2000 was a big one for me. I had spiked, gelled tips, a sick puka shell necklace, and a whole mess of friends that I could call to play basketball, capture the flag, or backyard football with.
Summer vacations for kids between the ages of eight and thirteen are a little bit odd. You’ve got sports camps to fill a lot of the weekdays, but with nearly three months off in between spring and fall, there will always be days for kids this age when there simply isn’t a whole lot to do.
Their parents are at work, their babysitter is probably a bitchy teenager that doesn’t want to take he/she anywhere, and staying inside is almost entirely out of the question. You have to have something to fill your days as a child during the summer, and the best way I was able to do that when I was this age was to ride my bike. My parents had just recently bought me a CD burner at this time, and along with a walkman which was the size of a pancake, I was able to churn out mixtape after mixtape of Top 40 hits and rap songs that my mom wouldn’t allow me to listen to had she known how to use Kazaa.
I’d ride my bike up and down the streets of my quiet town for hours, and I had a lot of CD’s to choose from. There was always one song that made every single CD I made that summer though, and since it’s finally starting to get warm outside in my region of the country I figured I’d mention it to you all know.
There was one song which personified summer for me in the year 2000, and as I listen to it now while I write this I can’t help but feel nostalgic. It’s one thousand percent going on my beach playlist for this summer, and it’s probably going to end up on yours as well. The song which I speak so fondly of, obviously, is “Summer Girls” by LFO.
It’s a wonderful, incredibly bubbly song that I can’t help but bob my head to even in 2017. Just imagine the number of handjobs that high schoolers in 2000 were getting while this song pulsated through someone’s parents’ basement. Abercrombie & Fitch no doubt made millions because of this hit, with the go-to line, of course, being “I like girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch.”
The song is a tale of summer flings, and we’ve all sung along to it countless times because it’s easy to do. The chorus is catchy and that’s all you’ve ever needed to make a radio hit in America.
The funny thing about it is the lyrics though, because when you really start to pay attention to them you realize how truly bizarre and nonsensical they are. Whoever wrote this song was either violently high or just a terrible lyricist. Either way, here are the worst lines from “Summer Girls.” I highly encourage you to use these as pickup lines at your local watering hole this summer because they’re so ridiculous they just might work.
“When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet / Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets”
I’m sure Shakespeare would have been thrilled to learn that his name was getting dropped in a rap song by three white dudes wearing Abercrombie & Fitch and upside down visors with bleach blonde spiked hair. He doesn’t seem like a guy that would go by Billy. Also, just because it rhymes doesn’t mean it’s okay to rap. Buzzing like a hornet and Shakespeare writing sonnets are completely unrelated.
“Stayed all summer then went back home / Macaulay Culkin was in home alone / Fell deep in love but now we ain’t speaking / Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton”
Now everybody say it with me because you know what’s coming – WHEN I MET YOU I SAID MY NAME IS RICH, YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL FROM ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH.
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It’s so damn catchy. But how about this? We go from talking about a classic summer fling that ends as soon as autumn starts creeping in, to reminiscing about the careers of Macauley Culkin and Michael J. Fox. Nobody said LFO was going to win a Grammy for their wordplay, but I don’t see anyone denying the fact that this is the epitome of a summer banger.
“You’re the best girl that I ever did see / the great Larry Bird jersey 33.”
I felt a little bad ripping on LFO so hard for this song because I happen to love it despite the awful lyrics. I threw this line in here because it is one of the few that actually makes a little bit of sense. Many people on the east coast will argue that Larry Bird, is in fact, the greatest basketball player to ever live, and telling a girl that she’s the best you’ve ever seen works as a parallel.
“You love hip-hop and rock ‘n’ roll / Dad took off when you were four years old / There was a good man named Paul Revere / I feel much better baby when you’re near”
Wow. There’s a lot to unpack in these lines. First off, credit to LFO for willing to get a little dark in their song about summer flings. They went from loving various genres of music to discussing how their girlfriend’s deadbeat dad “went out to get some milk” and never came back. They segway that depressing line into a message about Paul Revere, an American hero who the lead singer apparently thinks about when he’s hooking up with his girlfriend.
Listen, I didn’t particularly enjoy ripping on LFO. I genuinely like this song. Having said that, it came on shuffle in my iTunes library this afternoon and I guess I just never realized how absurd the lyrics were. It still bangs, it’s just hilarious to think that people were at one time rolling around in their cars thinking they were sweet as they rapped lyrics like “Stayed all summer then went back home / Macaulay Culkin was in Home Alone.” Cheers to LFO. What a song..
Image via YouTube