It’s Monday, and for the first time in the history of Mondays I’m excited. Today isn’t just any Monday; it’s Opening Day in the MLB — hopefully the majority of you guys took sick days to attend your team’s opener. Opening Day in baseball represents a breath of fresh air, a new chance, and a reminder that April is the best month. While some team’s fans welcome the new season with realistic goals of making a run at a World Series, there are others who root for less fortunate teams. Being a Pirates fan, I can sympathize with you guys and am well aware of how your mind thinks throughout a terrible season. Let’s take a peek into your mind as it enters a roller coaster of emotion throughout the season.
Opening Day baby! I’ve got a great feeling about this year. The GM did some good stuff in the offseason not to mess with our core. Sure, we traded away our stud left fielder, but did you see the haul of prospects we got in return? The kids will be All-Stars this season. Just watch. The division is kind of down this year too; I can see us winning it all this year. Got our ace on the mound today, probably will throw a no-hitter, and we’ll win 8-0.
One hit?! That’s all we got was one goddamn hit?! Not to mention our ace got lit up for five earned runs in two innings before the bullpen brought in the gas can to add to the fire. It’s only one game though, still have 161 of these to go. All we have to do is make it to the All-Star break on the right side of .500.
Pre-All Star Break
Well, April and May couldn’t have gone any worse. I haven’t seen a team lose more than that in all of my life. Any chance we can turn September call-ups into June call-ups? The season has gone down the toilet already. If you had told me on Opening Day that we’d be 14 games back in June, I’d laugh in your face. Where did it all go wrong? I can’t bear to watch this team anymore. My doctor said that maybe I should take some time off from watching them because it’s bad for my blood pressure. Maybe I should just end it all. I swear the team is already down four before the broadcast can show the opposing lineup. No one wants to swing the bat. WE ARE TERRIBLE. How can there actually be one All-Star on this team?
Post All-Star Break
I can make it a few weeks before NFL training camp starts. It’s time to start putting together my fantasy football draft board anyway. I’m glad they are losing. I’ve never been more productive in my life. Oh shit, we’re on a nine-game winning streak. Here we are at the trade deadline only ten games back of the second Wild-Card spot. There’s a shot. We should dump the farm for a few sure-fire players here at the deadline.
GM made some genius moves to pick up another bat and an arm. I think we’ve got this. Two months to go, and only ten games to make up. Money in the bank.
Wow, that was one hell of an August. Did we even lose? I haven’t been this pumped for baseball in a long time. If we can keep this up, we’ll make a Wild-Card spot for sure. Four games back with one month to play? Easy.
We have the worst luck in the world. Tommy John for our ace who was pitching lights out. Our best hitter goes down with a groin issue. Still only eight games back though despite the losing streak. Time to see what one of the best farm systems in the league will do. I have a feeling we’ll be alright.
I didn’t think this team could get any worse. Our so-called “can’t miss prospects” have missed more fastballs right down the middle than a little league team facing Randy Johnson. You could give these guys a tee and they still wouldn’t hit it. It’s amazing how we can go from four games back to sixteen in the matter of a month. How many games did we win down the stretch? One? Okay, it was really three, but still. I’ll go to the finale and wear all black. That’ll show ’em.
That was painful to watch. Maybe this season will finally wake up the ownership and shake things up at the top: new GM, new manager, and a slew of free agents. Spend, baby, spend. I think with a solid off-season and the youngsters gaining some experience, we’ve got a real shot next year. Who am I kidding? We’ll suck again next season. God, I hate my team..
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