The TIFU (short for “Today I Fucked Up”) subreddit is one of the most hilarious spots on the internet. People are inherently stupid, no matter how smart they are. This story is a perfect example of how a seemingly innocent favor for a coworker in need can completely wreck your entire life.
Reddit user darkruby45 shared this insanely odd story about a favor he did for his asexual coworker. His coworker’s family kept pressing him to get a girlfriend and settle down, as any family would. So, this guy’s coworker asked him to pretend to be his boyfriend. They even moved in together. But there’s a massive, complicated twist. Read the whole thing.
So my coworker (call him Jeff) is asexual, but his parents kept trying to get him a girlfriend. When he kept rejecting them, his parents eventually asked if he was gay. He decided to pretend he was and said he was already seeing a coworker and then asked me to pretend to be with him, even going so far as to offer money (I don’t really know enough people to care about my reputation and could think of worse ways to earn money, so I agreed). His parents wanted to meet me. The original plan was to meet his family and leave a very bad first impression so he would have reason to not bring me around them. Well I got there and it turns out his family is about the most fucking awesome family I’ve ever met. I expected everybody to either tiptoe around the gay thing, or be very over zealous about supporting it, either way I would overreact and make an ass out of myself. Turns out they treated me just like they would anybody else, so I couldn’t do that. Then his twin sister (call her Jenny) comes out and decides to try to make me uncomfortable by sitting on my lap, (I didn’t mind) and asking questions that most would consider inappropriate, I kind of fell in love with her that night. Well I ended up leaving a good impression, and was invited to dinner the next night to meet his other sister and her husband. That dinner went great as well, so I ended up just saying “fuck it, I’ll come over whenever they invite me and just hope we don’t slip up”. Things went pretty well over next few months, I got along with everybody and kept telling myself I’d ask Jenny out after we told them the truth. Well Jeff ended up getting an apartment and moving out of his parents house, he needed a roommate and I volunteered (I wanted to move out of my parent’s house anyway). One night I get back from work to find a fucking candle lit dinner waiting for me, turns out he really was gay and had a crush on me, and decided the best way to seduce me would be an elaborate scheme to trick me into moving in with him. Needless to say I rejected him, and he was actually surprised when I did. So he calls his mom crying and said I cheated on him. His family hates me now, especially Jenny. They won’t believe a word out of my mouth, because it’s his word against mine. So now I live(signed a 1 year lease) and work with a guy who thinks he’s in love with me. I did learn a valuable lesson though; if you are going to live a lie, record some kind of proof that it’s a lie.
Tldr; Pretended to be gay to help friend get parents off his back, find out he wasn’t pretending. Now I live with a gay guy who thinks he’s in love with me.
Update (07/21); Convinced Jenny to let me explain the situation from my point of view. She believes me but said she won’t side against her twin even if he’s in the wrong. Now my only hope is to convince him to tell the truth.
Update 2 (07/21); Just went through more drama in an hour than I have in the last 5 years. Basically after Jenny left she went home and confronted Jeff (he slept at their house). They then invited me to come clear the air. I told them the same thing I told Jenny, then Jeff told his side of the story but spun it just enough to convince them that he didn’t think we were pretending, and that I led him on. He also left in the part about me cheating, he said he caught me with a girl and that’s what sparked this whole mess. Since I can’t disprove anything he said, they now believe that I’m a sack of shit that likes to lead on gay men for fun while I’m out sleeping around (I’ve only been with one girl). And to salt the wound just a little bit more; Jenny called me a creep for letting her sit on my lap, apparently it was only cute when I was gay. The only person who even questioned Jeff’s lying ass is his older sister, and she said the same thing Jenny did, “I won’t side against my family, even if they are wrong”. So I just lost what was basically my second family, and I’m either stuck living with captain dipshit or stuck with an apartment I can’t afford alone.
Update 3 (07/21); So things just went from a bad situation to a disastrous one. My boss just called me on my day off to tell me Jeff asked to be put on a different schedule than me. Apparently Jeff told him I threatened to kick the shit out of him, and I fucked up more royally than I’ve ever fucked up before, I said “I never said anything like that and to tell Jeff to prove it” and now I’ve got to go in later to discuss this situation and he told me I was probably going to be suspended until further notice. That motherfucker attacked my job, this means war.
Update 4 (07/21); Well I called my landlord and am meeting him on his lunch break today, also somebody I know offered to get me some legal counsel so I’ve got a meeting later today to discuss my options. Also is there a better way to do this update thing? I’m not sure if this is correct form for this kind of thing.
Update 5 (07/21); I just got a call from the coworker that knew a bit about it, he got together a group of our coworkers and they pulled Jeff aside and “convinced” him to admit he was lying to the manager, so the job part might be resolved. Now we just need to come to an understanding about the apartment. I’m willing to live with him for the remainder of the lease if he’s willing to sign a waiver or something stating that this is over. I’m not going to try to fix things with his family, you guys have rightfully pointed out that it isn’t worth it. I’ll probably end up being a hermit after this mess.
Update 6 (07/21); Just got a confirmation that he came clean to our manager, he’s being sent home early and we both have to come back later tonight to resolve this situation, he didn’t give me any information about the pending suspension but I’m optimistic. When he gets here I’m going to sit down with him and apologize for everything I’ve done to hurt him (real or imagined) and then hopefully we can settle this like civilized people. Then after I find someone to take over the lease I’m going to go on my merry way and hope for the best.
Update 6.5; u/Cyae1 narrated this for some reason and it’s funny as hell! here’s the link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDqGkA72DHw&list=PLl0DkyQa9Aqu_aWjvjzvySIZC8PHUPPO6&index=18
Update 7 (07/21); So Jeff came home and we had a fairly short but very concise discussion. He agreed to put this whole thing behind him on the condition that I let him continue the lie with his family. I agreed to apologize to his family from the bottom of my heart for cheating on him and admit that I was leading him on. In return he agreed to make a formal confession video admitting that we were both at fault (omitting the cheating and leading on altogether) and he would let it die here and now. We sealed the deal by punching each other and unknown to him, I recorded the whole conversation on my laptop. I won’t do anything with said recording unless he forces my hand.
Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart, your comments have helped me think through this mess and not react in a physical manner. This is mostly likely my last update, unless something drastic happens with the landlord, lawyer or workplace. Also he said he’d try to make Jenny apologize for calling me a creep, even he agrees she can’t get mad about something she initiated in the first place. And the movie rights go to whoever gets a script written up first, just as long as the actor portraying me is a handsome motherfucker.
Update 7.5; Holy shit this hit the front page, and some kind soul gave me gold! Thank you whoever you are!
Update 8 (07/22); I’m sorry for updating so late, but I fell asleep after getting home and just woke up. I talked to our landlord and told him we had a falling out and even though it’s solved I wanted to know if it was possible to get out of the lease, if I could find somebody else willing to take it on. He said he’d be willing to let me draw up a sublet lease (or something along those lines, my memory is fuzzy right now) so if I can find somebody willing to live with dipshit I’ll be free. After that I talked to the lawyer, he said that it’s illegal to record somebody without consent so if I tried to use the recording I could face criminal charges, he advised I erase the recording. Furthermore he said I could file a lawsuit for slander and something about character, but I’d be open to a countersuit and Jeff has at least 5 people who would be willing to testify on his behalf. Then he told me a restraining order would be a terrible idea, it would be extremely obvious that I was only filing it either as retaliation or as a preemptive legal defense. So he advised me to avoid antagonizing Jeff in any way and hope he doesn’t find out about the recording. After that I went to tell my own family what was happening and things didn’t go well, my mother first said I was pretending to be gay the same way that guys say they were joking after being rejected. Then after I played the recording she admitted she’d rather have a gay son who’s in denial than a son who would manipulate an entire family. So needless to say we aren’t speaking at the moment, my siblings are refusing to take sides for the most part, so no help there either. After that me and Jeff met up at work for the meeting with our boss. We both got written up for unprofessional conduct and told this was first and only warning, next time there is drama between us we both get fired. And he’s going to put Jeff on a later shift than me so we don’t have very much overlap in schedule. Next we went to his family’s house so I could make my apology, I decided to follow the advice of the people on here and didn’t support his lie about leading him on or cheating, but I didn’t directly deny them either so I kept up my part of the deal. After my apology (I even managed a few tears, it wasn’t exactly hard) they basically took turns berating me but I took it and didn’t argue or defend myself, after that I told them they’d probably never see or hear from me again and left. On my way out the sister’s husband followed me out and loudly threatened to fuck me up if he ever saw me again. But he sent me a text like 5 minutes apologizing and said he was just trying to earn some points with them by defending their honor, and that he actually (secretly) was on my side. I basically just rolled my eyes and told him to fuck off. I think that’s pretty much it, I’m still shaking like a motherfucker but at least the worst part is over.
Update 9 (07/24); Well I got fired today, our boss was watching through the security footage from the other day and saw the coworkers approach Jeff in “a menacing manor” and he decided Jeff only dropped his complaint against me because they threatened him. He also suspended two of the guys involved and fired another. So I’m seriously considering just skipping town right about now.
Final update (07/27); It’s been a couple days since my last update, and I don’t know how many people will even see this but I’ll do it anyway. I’ve decided to leave town, it’s next to impossible to get a job here without connections, and I don’t have many, and to make it worse, I was fired from my previous job. Not to mention I either hate or am hated by just about everybody here, and I could use some distance from my family. So I don’t see much future in California for me. I’m going to tell my landlord the full story and show him the recording in hopes that he’ll let me out of the lease. Even if he doesn’t I’m willing to risk taking a ding to my credit (and Jeff’s) and just leave anyway. An Xbox friend of mine lives in Texas and told me he’d help me get started if I choose to move to his town, but I’m not eager to blindly trust somebody I barely know (that’s what started this shit in the first place). So do you guys have any good advice for me? I’m leaning toward Texas because it would be nice to have somebody to help me get started, but if you guys have a better place please share. A place with fairly low cost of living and plenty of job opportunities would be nice. Anywhere except Colorado or Minnesota.
Some people have asked for another update so here it is (08/05?): I have decided on Texas, my xbox friend has been helping me apply for jobs and look at apartments. I am still living with Jeff and we haven’t had any more drama. We both basically pretend that the other one doesn’t exist. Jenny actually sent me a text and apologized for her part in this, and I told her to go fuck herself. I’ve sort of made peace with my mother, but it’ an uneasy kind of peace. And my old coworker that got fired for threatening Jeff helped me get an unofficial job moving furniture. They call me when they need help with a delivery or something, and pay me cash. I considered showing the recording to my old boss to try to get my old job back but decided that I really don’t want to work for somebody that jumps to conclusions based on circumstantial evidence regardless of the actual story. If I missed anything let me know and I’ll elaborate.
Another quick update for you guys (08/12): I applied at a temp agency last week and they got me a part time job working nights. Tonight is my first night. I also got a job interview next week for a full time day job. If I get it I plan to work both and save up as rapidly as I can. After a month or two I’d be able to move to Texas with enough to have a safety net while I get set up there. Nothing new on the Jeff situation. I usually retreat to my room when he gets home and only come out for food.
Yet another update (08/14): Things went well at the part time job and they will be keeping me on (they don’t know I’m leaving). I went to make peace with my mom and basically told her we needed to agree to disagree before I left, because I probably won’t be visiting for a very long time. After a while she actually told me she was considering packing up the family and coming to Texas with me. Nothing is concrete yet but it sounds like she was serious. So I might actually have my family to help me.
Another Update (08/17): Either next week or three weeks from now I’ll be going to Texas to work out a place to live. After that I’ll come back here, grab a U-Haul and start the process. My family is coming with me, so it will be a bit more complicated but I’m glad to have them. I’ll be passing through Bakersfield (CA), Tuscon (AZ), Waco, Dallas, and Austin (TX). I’m still leaning toward Dallas but am open to any of those. If anybody has anything to say about those areas I’d appreciate it.
Also, I have a football card collection that I’m going to sell if it’s worth enough to make a difference. And my mother has a collection of foreign money/coins that she’s willing to sell. Does anybody here have any advice on how to go about selling either of them?
Holy hell. Talk about your all-time backfires. The TL;DR version: Dude tried to do a favor for a coworker in need, moved in with him, went to meet his family, fell in love with coworker’s sister, coworker was gay all along, coworker fell in love with him, fake boyfriend rejects coworker’s love, coworker tells family fake boyfriend cheated on him, coworker’s family turns on fake boyfriend, fake boyfriend gets fired from job, coworker’s sister hates fake boyfriend, life ruined, moves to Texas.
Here’s the entire narrated video if you didn’t click the link above.