The first few episodes of the new season of Game of Thrones leaked online, and I have no fucking clue how to handle that.
Most might say that I should be excited about this information, but I’m fucking not. I spent my weekend doing normal things — like being a creep on Instagram, attempting but failing to clean my apartment, and going for a run as part of my last ditch effort to get beach-ready (I know it’s too damn late, so hold your judgment, please). I wasn’t at all prepared for my television viewing world to be rocked.
Like most of our generation, I’m a professional binger — eating, drinking, and most importantly, watching TV shows online. While my normal go-to’s are in their dreaded off-seasons, I love discovering new shows that give me excuses to avoid socializing. Most recently, I’ve been watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I had heard good things about it, and I wasn’t disappointed! It’s fucking hilarious, and I love seeing Ellie Kemper on screen. (I was first introduced to her in undergrad as “Blowjob Girl,” so it’s pretty awesome to see her doing things other than seductively offering to smash some guy’s nuts)
That being said, I’m no stranger to inappropriately streaming shit online before I’m supposed to. There was nothing but pure joy in my heart when House of Cards leaked earlier this year, because I know that whether I get it early or not, I’m going to spend 1-2 days indoors with gross snacks and wine, and before I know it, it’s over for months. That’s the relationship House of Cards and I have, and I’m comfortable with it.
But this Game of Thrones bullshit? Nah. Hell no. Fuck that! Hackers, please get your shit together. If you’re going to release episodes of a TV show, give us the whole fucking season. It’s like leaking a movie, but only the first 30 minutes. NO ONE WOULD DO THAT! IF YOU HAVE ALL THE GODDAMN EPISODES, LEAK THEM ALL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
I was admittedly late to the Game of Thrones party. I watched the entire series around Thanksgiving, but I’ve been scratching like an actual crack head for some new episodes for the past six months or so. I’m so fucking addicted. If I take advantage of this glitch in the matrix (which, let’s face it, I’m for damn sure going to do), it’ll be another month before I get another fix. It’s a goddamn tease, it’s not fair, and it’s certainly not humane.
I don’t appreciate being presented with this first world problem. All or fucking nothing. Don’t give me some half-assed incomplete season, because my heart can’t take it.
Oh, and hackers, the next time you’re going to hack a major corporation, how about picking that awful bitch Sallie Mae and deleting any history of my student loans instead of fucking Target. All that shit did was put my grandmother into a frenzy. You’re helping literally no one with your illegal activities.
Thank you for listening..
Image via YouTube