The Diary Of A Little League Dad With A Serious Gambling Problem

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March 19, 2015

Tryouts concluded today. Another year of Lake Travis Little League baseball is upon us and it just feels like great things are on the horizon.

Parker, my boy, was a machine out there today. An offseason of one-on-one pitching instructions and physical conditioning seemed to be well worth it. He was a dominant pitcher last season and put on a solid three inches since then. A 6-1 record while throwing upper 50s cheddar. That’s straight moving for a 10-year-old. The only concern is that this little growth spurt put him in that awkward stage of development where he grows faster than his body is able to handle. He’s too gangly looking if we’re being honest. His mom’s genes showing through there. If he’s able to keep that frame under control, he’s in for another All-Star season.

The Peterson kid from Parker’s team last year, though, goddamn. It looks like he got a weight bench for Christmas. Kid is really filling out. He’s one to keep an eye on for sure. Him and that Hispanic kid who is new to the league. I guess his family just moved into the neighborhood? Hmmm. Cristóbal or some shit. Kid has skills.

One week until teams are set. Three weeks until game 1. Let’s go!

March 26, 2015

Parker was picked by the Astros. After a brief glance at the roster, I’m less than thrilled about this squad. Not a solid group of prospects. A few total brats too. Except of course for little Tim Scofield. I couldn’t care less about Tim being on Parker’s team, but his mom sure is nice to look at. She possibly got a brand new set of cutters in the offseason? Will investigate. At least I’ll have that going for me when this team inevitably turns to shit.

His coach will be his buddy Garrett’s dad, Mike. Mike Hebert. Nice guy and all, but really? You take Garrett with a top 5 pick? I get that he’s your son, but Garrett is a terrible ball player. Even my wife said something last season about how bad he is. And I’m pretty sure there’s an unwritten rule that no coach will pick your son to be on their team, so basically just save him for your last pick and call it a day. That’s first day general manager type stuff. Come on, Mike. Let’s go after a winner here. Garrett is one of those kids you hope just never swings and the 11-year-old on the mound can’t find the strike zone (which is frequent).

Looks like Parker will once again put the team on his back. First rounder, though. I guess I’m proud of that. Though it was kind of a no-brainer considering the lack of talent in this busch league.

I’m really looking forward to attending every one of Parker’s practices leading up to game 1. I need to get a feel for this team, keep my finger on the pulse. I need to see how they mesh, who steps up as a leader besides Parker, etc.

I cannot have a repeat of last year. I finished 7 points in the red. Embarrassing. Time to get to work!

March 28, 2015

First practice in the books. Shit. Pure shit. 4-12 record at best. This team resembles an after school math club.

April 7, 2015

Five practices in the books. The team is coming together. First game is just a few days away, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this squad could surprise folks this season. I plan on riding this darkhorse until she bucks me.

The same group of dads are all game again this season. Should be exciting. The Astros’ (+1.5 against the Phillies) first game is Saturday. Parker is on the mound against the Shaughnessy kid from a few streets over. Cristóbal plays for the Phillies, too. I’m pounding the Stros hard.

April 11, 2015

Cristóbal took Parker yard in the bottom of the third to put the Phillies up by 3. He caught too much plate. That lead held. Stros lose. I lose $500 to Gary. I could see that fat fuck smirking from the opposing bleachers. Keep it up and you’ll catch Parker’s TPX upside the dome, Gary.

To add insult to injury, an unseasonably cool Saturday meant that Tim Scofield’s mom covered those howitzers up with a sweater. Just a brutal goddamn day that will take three fingers of Dewar’s several times over to fix.

I’ve got to get even next game. Stros have the Rangers coming up. The line will be posted tomorrow. I’m not above 11-year-old manipulation to get the job done. Take it easy, Phil. Fuck.

It’s recommended that, at this crucial developmental stage in the kids’ lives, that throwing breaking balls is highly frowned upon, but Parker might be ready. Supposed to wait until they’re 13, I think? But he needs an edge, and these kids will buckle at their first sight of 12-to-6 curveball.

Will ponder as the season progresses.

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