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The Death Of Blowjobs

The Death Of Blowjobs

Getting a blowjob is a wonderful thing. While I can’t imagine performing one myself, on my end, I can say that there isn’t anything quite like getting your penis milked by way of a woman’s mouth. Chris Rock said it best when he said, simply, that a blowjob is exactly what it sounds like. A job. Jobs are not fun, and neither is sucking penis.

I think girls are willing to give guys they like blowjobs because it’s such a powerful thing. She holds the cards in regards to you getting off.

Sure, she can have sex with you, and women have all of the power in that situation as well. A woman can fuck whoever she wants whenever she wants. I just can’t help but think that girls get some weird sense of satisfaction out of knowing that they can get a guy off by wrapping her lips around it and applying suction.

I’ve heard girls say that they enjoy giving blowjobs. This is more than likely a lie – something she tells guys because of messages perpetuated from mass media that blowjobs are something she should do.

In high school and college, blowjobs came a dime a dozen. For a high school boy, getting your dick sucked is on par with winning the lottery. Blowjobs were popular because a lot of girls are virgins in high school and they don’t want to lose their virginity to just anyone.

She’s not sure if she wants to have sex with you so she’ll just blow you instead. In college, a blowjob could blindside you at any time. Maybe you’re tailgating at some fraternity house and you start necking with a girl following a few cups of jungle juice. No one is on the side of the house next to the dumpster. Just get head there. Perhaps you’re studying at the library with that girl who is at present letting you give her the beef dart. She’ll probably suck your dick next to a bookcase if you ask properly.

All of those random blowjobs-the absolutely mind-blowing ones, the less than stellar ones, the ones you were too drunk to remember-all of them go out the window after college.

The death of blowjobs for a postgrad male starts slow and deliberately. The no-dome train picks up speed with each passing year and rarely makes stops. At 22, you could still get away with subtlely pushing a girls head down towards your dick and hoping she’d do the deed. By 25, if you’re asking a girl the same age for head she’s going to hit you with a question that will quickly let you know that she’s not putting her mouth anywhere near your member: You want me to do what?

It sucks, but that’s just the way of life. By 25, girls know they don’t have to give some guy they brought home a blowjob. “It’s just so much work and he should be grateful I’m letting him inside me.” That is a direct quote from a friend of mine who also happens to be a girl.

You’re more likely to get struck by thunder than you are to get head from a 25-year-old girl. And I’m totally fine with that. I don’t blame girls for loathing this sex act. I’m just asking to get a seat at the table where this decision seems to have been universally made. I have some points of my own that have been made by countless others. What if I go down on you for 10-15 minutes? Does that warrant a blowjob? Probably not. Maybe a couple licks, but you’re not getting a blowjob to completion for simply going down on a girl. So what can I do to get them back on the table? Do I need to exclusively date girls younger than 24 or 25 for the privilege of a POV blowie? Should I get Donald Trump on the line and see if he can make me a “Make Blowjobs Great Again” rope hat?

After 24, I just feel like girls are done giving blowjobs. They might make a casual, unexpected appearance once every couple of months for couples, but before you know it you’re married and you’re lucky to get one blowjob a year.

That 7 you brought back to your apartment probably isn’t sucking your dick. She’ll have sex. But she hasn’t given a blowjob since college because she cringes every time she thinks about all of the unwashed, gross undergraduate penis she’s put in her mouth. My time as a guy who recieves blowjobs seems to have come and gone. It feels like it ended before it even started. I never thought at 17 that blowjobs would be off table. But here we are, some eight years later, and I’m the guy who doesn’t even try anymore. If I’m hooking up with a girl, doing the whole foreplay thing I don’t even consider asking. I’d rather just have the sex and avoid any sort of argument. So as I sit here reminiscing on all of the times I’ve had my erect member in a girls mouth, all I will say is that it was fun. Here’s to you, blowjobs. Rest in peace. Maybe I’ll see you down the road once I get a wife who’ll throw me a sympathy bone for our anniversary once a year.

Image via Shutterstock

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Johnny D

John Duda (@dudaronomy)- Writer and content manager at Post Grad Problems. Please send any questions to me at jduda@grandex.co

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