ABC and I are both at the point in the season where we have completely stopped caring at all about what happens to Nick. However, I was incredibly excited for this week’s episode because the Fantasy Suites are always the most absurd, dramatic, hilariously edited pieces of television in existence. Do you know how I felt when we were treated to exactly ZERO dramatic conversations about “just using the time to talk” and absurd through-the-door sex noises? I felt like La La Land getting my Oscar taken away mid-speech, which was also aired on, you guessed it, ABC. IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY! While you’re waiting for Crick’s Dude’s Breakdown and some decent fantasy suite action, here’s the best of last night’s Bachelor Twitter.
Chris Harrison is really everyone’s dream man. He’s funny, he’s self-aware, and he condones getting blackout on weeknights. When does he get cast as The Bachelor and when can I sign up?
Evan is possibly the only Bachelor cast member who annoys me more than Nick, but… but… WHAT IF, YOU GUYS?! The only way I’ll be satisfied with this season is if Nick ends up alone.
Sorry, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. The “this show is about true love!” ship sailed a while ago, ABC.
Yeah, Nick, where’s OUR apology?
I like to think that this is the beginning of Corinne’s villain origin story.
Okay, but what is going to keep me interested in the beige-ness that is this season without Corinne? Like… Rachel? Nick’s dazzling personality?
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee, Warren Beatty? Pleaseeeeeeeeee? #MakeAmericaCorinneAgain
Anyone who says Corinne is not emotionally intelligent is completely blind to the fact that she managed to manipulate us all into loving her while we weren’t even looking.
Okay, was the wardrobe person drunk this entire episode? We go from all black Lord Voldemort suit at the rose ceremony to this nonsense turtleneck. PICK AN AESTHETIC, JANICE. (I assume her name is Janice).
Who wore it best? SPOILER ALERT: THE ONE ON THE RIGHT.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS. The Twitter account we didn’t know we needed. This is up there with Raquel’s Twitter. Please tweet at each other.
In a town of 500 people where everyone knows everyone, Raven just straight up obliterated her ex’s dating life. #Savage
Wasn’t Raven’s ex a doctor? Crick, you might have a shot here once Raven realizes she’s too good for Nick and leaves him…
This is some bulllllllllllllllllllllllllllshit, ABC.
Well, that episode was about as unsatisfying as Raven’s past sexual experiences. YOU’RE GIVING ME BLUE BALLS HERE, ABC. There better be some Best Picture/M. Night Shyamalan-level plot twists next week or I riot. And by riot I mean I will just drink my boxed wine even more sulkily than usual. Until then, Bachelor Nation. .