The one-liner is how this whole mess was started. Students of history know that PGP began as a Twitter account back in 2011, and now here we are. Even though you have to click a little tab that says “Wall”, the one-liner remains a fan favorite. Here are the most popular from January.
1. Different shirt, same pants. PGP.
I’ve got just enough shirts to last me through the work week, and two pairs of pants (one of which is purely a back-up in case I spill something on my marquee pair).
2. Every morning my first thought is “Wow I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.” PGP.
Coffee for breakfast, Redbull for lunch, wine for dinner.
3. Getting a little drunk and applying for new jobs. PGP.
Better than being a little sober and apply for jobs.
4. The new hires coming to me for advice as if I know what I’m doing. PGP.
I’m pretty much unqualified for every job I’ve ever applied for, so I’m assuming the person that hired me is the exact same way.
5. Sent a picture of the girl I’ve been dating to my dad. He said “…Her? Well I’m glad we didn’t raise you to be shallow…” PGP.
We’re all running out of time. What does he expect?
6. I want to quit my job, but I don’t want to deal with the hassle of finding a new one. PGP.
My mom always said, don’t dump your girlfriend unless you’ve got another one lined up. Same goes with jobs.
7. At the point in life where I get unreasonably annoyed at songs that glorify irresponsible financial decisions. PGP.
That “I Love It” song still haunts me. Who even crashes their car into a bridge? Makes no sense.
8. The constant fear I will get poop on my shirt tail. PGP.
I didn’t have that fear until I read this. Goddammit.
9. The after-hours janitor cleaning around you in your cube. PGP.
Might need to bring a few cold ones and crack ’em with him some night.
10. Not knowing that KK means weed. PGP.
Not knowing what this is even referring to. PGP.
11. New job in a new city. No clue what I’m doing and my number of friends just went from 2 to 0. PGP.
Eh, friends are overrated anyway. Just ask Holden Caufield.
12. Just sitting around waiting to be fired. PGP.
Hey, you’re still getting paid. No shame in that.
13. I’ve been here for almost two years and I still can’t really explain what it is that I do. PGP.
I don’t remember a thing I learned in high school or college, so life is just kind of one of those “fake it ’til you make it” situations right now.
14. My iPhone says I’ve exceeded my iCloud storage so I just paid 99 cents for more but I still don’t understand the cloud. PGP.
All I know is that I can never run for office because the contents of my iCloud would give my mom a heart attack.
15. Telling yourself everyday that you won’t drink after work, then you go to work and lose all self-control. PGP.
Weeknight cocktails are the best type of cocktail. Our forefathers wouldn’t have it any other way.
16. “Yeah, but they’re not going to get to keep all that money. A lot of it will go to taxes.” PGP.
Still not completely emotionally resolved over the fact that I didn’t win.
17. Space Jam is celebrating its 20th anniversary this year. PGP.
And the entire cast of Saved By The Bell is over the age of 40. It’s not going to get any better.
18. Getting emails from your boss that have all the information stuffed in the subject line and the only thing in the body is “Thanks.” PGP.
19. Being the only human in a meeting of 100+ people who is under the age of 35. PGP.
Age ain’t nothing but a number. Get out there and mix it up. You’ll make them feel young again.
20. Having one of those days where I realize I have 45 years of this shit left until retirement. PGP.
And Calvin Johnson retired at 30. Fuck. .
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