At 32 years old, I finally got the call. Best man. Consigliere. All-time wingman. That’s my current status as it relates to the next wedding on my calendar. It’s an honor that I don’t take lightly, but I won’t be vomiting sentimental bullshit into WordPress for the next few months for the sake of clicks. Instead, I’ll be documenting much of the experience so that you, the reader, can learn a few things should you ever find yourself in this position – for the sake of clicks. We’re going to cover all the bases here over the next few months, guys: emails, bachelor parties, speeches, working rooms, etc.
Now, I’m of the opinion that best man duties don’t begin until you fire off that first bachelor party email. That’s where I’m at in the process. After much contemplation, I drafted what I’ve been told was “one of the better” bachelor party emails in recent memory. I’ll take that W. If not carefully crafted, the intro email can set a negative tone that will carry itself throughout the bachelor party and into the wedding. Don’t overlook this.
Not to expose anyone, but I’ve seen some trash best man emails. Guys who come in way too hot and forget about the blend of personalities they’re very likely dealing with. Don’t just come storming out of the gates slingin’ out inside jokes, man. Ease into it. Get a feel for the dynamic. Here’s the breakdown you’re probably dealing with:
1.) High school friends who may or may not be getting a nostalgia-loaded sympathy invite. As best man, you could be one of these guys, and if you aren’t, you’ve probably interacted with them on one or two occasions;
2.) College friends who provide the most amount of sketch;
3.) Coworker/business associates/soon to be brother-in-laws – basically anyone who stumbles into the groom’s life after college. They’ll probably be very passive and out on all of the references; and
4.) Family. Brothers, dads and the occasional uncle. Based on my experience, dads and uncles have deep pockets and sleazy tendencies.
Needless to say, you’ll have a diverse crowd to cater to. Play the hits. There’s no need to go full Dangerfield on the groom to establish credibility. Introduce yourself, make a joke about how shocked you are that ______ is finally getting hitched/tied down/some other old man term, then toss in a zinger or two. I’m a big fan of digging up an old photo that’s risky, but not so risky that you’ll get a text asking you to tone it down. I’ve seen it happen, folks. One minute you’re all having fun flaming the groom for accidentally smoking bath salts or something, and the next you’re getting a text reminding you that his future brother-in-law is on the thread and is a devout Southern Baptist. Fun times!
Find the happy medium between scum and sincerity. .
Image via YouTube