You know the guy in your group who always gets tasked with rallying the troops? Every self-respecting #squad has one. Say you’ve been day drinking for five hours at some place with bottomless mimosas and bloodies. You’re leaving the bar and one guy says, “I think I’m gonna go home and take a quick nap.” Welcome to the domino effect. Nothing ruins a group day-drink turned night out faster than one guy claiming he’s headed home for a 40-minute power nap. You won’t be seeing the nap guy again. Pretty soon you’ve got guys on both sides of you vocally or mentally saying, “That actually sounds pretty good.” Consider nap guy and all of the bandwagoners that do the same dead to you. And now you’re fucked.
That crew of six who was about to parlay daytime drinks into a quick dinner and a half gallon of whiskey is now at two, three people tops. I’m not the rally guy. Never had it in me. I’m usually too drunk or exhausted from getting talked down to in the cube to be in a position to be barking orders at people. I’m actually one of the nap guys. But I do have a rally guy, and whenever this happens, one simple phrase stops all of us nap guys dead in our tracks. “Let’s send it.” It’s more-so a mentality than a phrase. A way of life. Stay out. Stay beautiful. Stay cavalier.
I know what you’re thinking — “This is great and I’m going to use it.” And I say go for it. I wouldn’t be telling you about it if I didn’t want to spread a little magic your way. And yes, you can absolutely use the ‘send it’ mentality during the work week. Say it’s a Thursday or Friday. Maybe you’re insane and you want to get a little faded on Wednesday night. Shoot out a “should we send?” text and you’re guaranteed to get a few people to bite on your line.
In my mind, I am the funniest person on the planet. I laugh at all of my own jokes because they’re hysterical. Seinfeld is my favorite show of all time and it’s going to stay that way until I die. That show is not for everyone. I’m very similar in this regard. I’m an acquired taste. That sort of dry humor that a lot of people just don’t get is my bread and butter.
Some may call me a dickhead. A pretentious loser who shouldn’t be as confident as he is. But that’s part of my charm. I don’t care what you think, so if you hate this phrase that I would love to have catch on, I don’t really care. As evidence of how little I give a shit, a girl that I took out this past summer denied me a second date because although she claimed to enjoy the first one, she said that I laughed at my own jokes too much. My response? “I can’t help that I’m hilarious.” We haven’t spoken since. I was calling her bro a lot and chuckling to myself. I also said the words “dope” and “tight” several times, which I don’t think she thought was very funny. But that’s all a part of the ‘send it’ temperament. That “IDGAF” attitude.
The “send it” mentality brings people together. It gets them going. It’s like asking everyone at the party if they’re ready to leave, but only because you’re sending it to a better spot.
It encompasses anything and everything that needs to be said with four simple words. Some guys doing a Spotify DJ set in a warehouse in a rather stab-y part of town? Yeah, fuck it, let’s send it on over. Do I want to make a pizza from scratch and drink a few bottles of red wine? Let’s absolutely send it. A girl you were having sex with for three weeks before you inevitably blew it is having a party? Sendyyyyyyyyyy.
Yes, I know it’s incredibly “bro.” Yes, I realize this is only personifying my image as an intolerable piece of shit. But much like the Tom Collins (a drink I will vouch for until I die and/or get sick of), I’m asking you all to give it a shot. Whether you’re actually saying “send it” or just living the sendy lifestyle, do it for me. Do it for yourself. Do it for the kids in your crew who are trying to go home to take a nap. God speed. .
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