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The 6 Grandest Delusions You’ll Have In Your 20s

Opening A Bar

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If you can count on one hand how many times you and your friends have had the “let’s just open a bar” talk, you live a sad, uneventful life. Opening a bar is the ultimate postgrad fantasy: unlimited booze, living the rockstar lifestyle, not waking up before noon, and big paychecks. The reality of opening a bar will quickly crush you as soon as you realize your million dollar investment is going to do about $200K in revenue and you won’t draw a salary until you’re 30. Your “Bar Rescue” application will get turned down multiple times, and you’ll be bankrupt before you get off your parents’ health insurance. Good job.

You Will Find Your Soulmate

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Do you know how rare it is to find your soulmate? No, really. It’s damn near impossible. You really think your perfect match out of roughly four billion members of the opposite sex in the world is living in the same city and knows your roommate’s girlfriend’s sister’s former boss? I’m not saying you won’t find your soulmate–it’s just that statistics suggest otherwise. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you’re better off just looking for someone you’re compatible with. “Soulmate” is a made up word.

I’m not picking on love, because I don’t think friendship exists, either.

That Your Voice Matters

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If you think your 800-word forum post on social inequality is going to make a difference, you’re wrong. Real change happens when you go out into the world and let your voice be heard. Anyone can sit at a keyboard and vent to the Internet, but it takes balls to exercise your right to protest and stand up for what you believe in. A hashtag never accomplished anything. Run for the school board, go to town hall meetings, get involved.

Writing A Book

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Since I’m a “writer,” the thought of writing a book has definitely crossed my mind a time or two. I’m creative enough to come up with what I think would be a good idea, but am I dedicated to sit down for two years and write 100,000 words? Absolutely not. For every J.K. Rowling and Suzanne Collins, there are thousands of wannabe authors who just couldn’t commit to their idea. You have to pay the cost to be the boss.

Joining The PGA Tour

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Just because you regularly shoot an 80 on the local track and played varsity golf in high school, it doesn’t make you a good golfer. Getting on the PGA Tour is tougher than making it into the NFL. You know why? Because everyone golfs and everyone has that friend who’s really good at golf. Be real.

Playing It Safe

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Ah, what am I saying? You have a margin for error. You don’t have a mortgage. You aren’t married. You don’t really have to worry about your credit score. You’ll never have a better opportunity to make something of yourself than you do now. As the famous saying goes, “Life begins outside of your comfort zone.” Take a chance on life. You may not get another.

/end preachiness

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