With spring break season just beginning, the postgrad blues are at an all time high. Plans are being made, winter weather is drifting away and SB2k16 participants across the country are preparing their livers for what’s in store. Believe me, instead of sitting behind a computer with a to-do list longer than the remainder of Johnny Manziel’s career, I’d much rather be binge drinking on a beach, shamelessly staring at the surplus of breasts and ass that flood the Florida coastline throughout the month of March, and making out with whoever gives consent (kidding). Sadly, my Spring Break situation involves a fun-filled week of spreadsheets and sales calls.
For those of you anti-social goobers who decided against the idea of beaches, boobs and booze, I imagine this time in your life is a smooth transition. Unfortunately, for someone who went 4/4 with collegiate spring break seasons (not counting the 12 years of spring break vacations prior to that)… it is important, if not absolutely mandatory, to approach this life-altering time period carefully. Think about Spring Break as a nicotine addiction – quitting cold turkey just makes you hate yourself.
Although college students have a full week without classes and a blurry expectation of actions they will take over the course of it, the average postgrad has a few cards in their favor. Start with a day of paid time off, add in the fact that you have weekends without responsibilities and top it all off with some disposable income, and you have yourself a nice little mini-vacation.
Disclaimer: The following destinations are, obviously, subjective to my opinions. I’ve ranked them with A) fun potential, B) familiarity/distance and C) bar scene as the primary drivers for my rank order.
5. Gatlinburg, Tennessee
If you’re like me, you aren’t an advocate for cold weather, so you prefer something further south. However, there’s just something about a cabin in the mountains, a few snow bunnies and a hot tub that make for an incredible weekend. Outside of just sitting in said cabin drinking all day, Gatlinburg is a top-notch city. It even has a man-made ski resort that is perfect for beginners and experts alike. Oh yeah, you can find cabins pretty cheap too.
4. Memphis, TN
I live way too close to Memphis to consider this a mini-vacation hot-spot for myself, but I do understand the history and tourist attractions the bar scene. The birthplace of Rock-N-Roll is also home to one of the most famous avenues in the country – Beale Street. Known to many as a miniature, cleaner, cheaper Bourbon Street, Beale Street has it all. Country Bars, night clubs, Irish pubs… you name it, Memphis has it. Oh, and if you’re actually a history Guru, Graceland (Elvis’ home) and the Martin Luther King Civil Rights museum are both located within minutes of the downtown area. Check out Silky O’ Sullivan’s and get a dive bucket.
3. Dallas, TX
Every time I go to Texas, I still see people with petitions to secede from the Union. With the way the current election is playing out, I’ll probably see 10x more the next time I go. Bottom line: Texas doesn’t give a fuck. From 70mph speed limits through the middle of small towns, to girls barely wearing anything at all while serving you dinner – Texas has it figured out. To be more specific, Dallas has it figured out too. Like another weekend favorite of mine, this city has a little bit of everything – honky tonks, upscale bars and strip clubs of both extremes. Not to mention NBA, NFL and NHL teams with a MLB team in close proximity.
2. Nashville, TN
Tennessee is really bringing the heat in this list. With three out of five of these hot-spots being in Tennessee, it’s an overall badass state. You heard me, Texas. Nashville is not only home to the Country Music Hall of Fame, but also to countless celebrities. In Nashvegas, you get the best of both worlds: Hank and Waylon all the way to Young Buck and Starlito. While known primarily for its honky-tonk success, Complex listed the Music City in the top 10 US Cities with Underrated Hip Hop Scenes. There’s a little of everything – including one of the coolest bar scenes in the south. Nashville would definitely be number one if it weren’t such an obvious choice. “Second Floor Tootsies Gettin’ Shoulder Rubs” – if Drake can rap about it… I’d say it’s worth a visit.
1. New Orleans, Louisiana
Do I really need to explain? If you look at it the right way, New Orleans is kind of like a spring break beach. Yes, there is an ocean (Gulf) that touches the southern edge of the city. Yes, people walk around aimlessly drinking anything they can get their hands on. And finally, yes, there are (unfortunately) people walking around without half of their clothes on. I speak on behalf of the entire world’s population when I say – there’s no better place in the United States for a rowdy weekend trip than heading down south to Nawlins. Go ahead, drink more than 4 hand grenades. It’ll be just fine..
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