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The 4 Worst Kinds Of People To Date

People are the worst. In fact, people are so shitty, it’s a wonder why any of us would ever date another human being. Somehow, we’ve managed to sorta make it work. I’m not one to stereotype people based on their professions (of course I am), but there are definitely certain types of people that I’ve either dated, or have seen my freinds date that I can say with all confidence you should avoid at all costs.

1. Delusional Artists

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Living in a big city, you get to be friends with a lot of creative types. It’s tough to be someone who at least attempts to have some sort of artistic taste while also being around people wanting to create art for a living. Struggling artists I totally get. I’m one of those too. I don’t expect any creative person in their mid-20s to be anywhere near a point in their abilities that is particularly great or noteworthy, unless they’re total geniuses. Real artists at least have a good sense of self-awareness, and it pains me when I have to spend time with people who clearly don’t have any sense of themselves, and rarely put in any real effort toward becoming good at what they do. Do you know how awful it is to be dating someone who’s constantly talking snobbishly about “their art,” and dragging you to shows/plays or making you read the dreck they write? It’s brutal. Because on the one hand, every type of art is subjective, and you wonder if maybe you’re being unfairly critical. Or, more likely, you’re in a relationship with someone who thinks that dipping a live frog into a bucket of paint and letting him hop around on the canvas is revolutionary and important, and that’s somehow the world you now live in. Have fun with that.

2. Political Gladiators

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I know, that’s a stupid name for it, but it’s catchier than “people who are super hardcore about their ideology, and spend an inordinate amount of time either ranting at people who disagree, or just ranting in general.” Look, we all have beliefs – some stronger than others. I personally enjoy talking about and debating political stuff. However, I don’t light people on metaphorical fire when I do it. See, I’m of the opinion that normal, rational people should always strive to talk about politics in a normal, rational manner, and save the emotional screaming for disagreeing about whether Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. “But what about someone who has a truly awful stance on a topic? Like a hardcore racist?” Well now, “person who immediately asks annoying, extremely hyperbolic questions,” why are you associating with someone who’s a hardcore racist (or whatever)? Are you dating them? Then that’s your fault. Do you work with them? Ignore them. Is it a random person in a bar? Why the fuck are you yelling about race relations with a stranger in public in the first place? The only acceptable time to engage someone who has truly repugnant beliefs is if they’re family members, and even then, I always just default to skipping Thanksgiving. It’s cheaper.

The point is, I don’t wanna spend time with anyone who treats their beliefs as a justification to be loud and combative, and you shouldn’t either. I don’t care how well-researched or even correct your ideology is, control your volume, people.

3. People indifferent to music

 

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I really don’t understand how this person exists. I’m not a music snob, I literally listen to everything. I enjoy talking to people who have any sort of opinion about music. But people who just don’t give a shit at all baffle me. They’re usually just sorta ok with whatever is playing, don’t really care about any bands in particular, and only have radio station presets in their car because they bought it used, and they were programmed for them. I’m not saying you have to be a hardcore music historian who can debate what Bob Dylan’s best album is with me, but I’d at least like for you to know who Bob Dylan is, and maybe have an opinion one way or the other about him. That’s all.

4. Hypochondriacs

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I get it, hypochondria is a real thing that can be tough to deal with. If you’re a true hypochondriac who’s been diagnosed by a medical professional and are currently working on your condition, don’t worry, you’re still allowed to have love. The people I’m talking about are the mild cases who are really just drama queens/kings looking for attention, or don’t know what a real illness actually feels like. Even worse than forcing everyone to hear them moan about how sick they are, or how they’re probably gonna die from [fill in the blank WebMD disease], they turn their significant others into their constant personal caregivers. I’m a pretty empathetic person, and I’ve been told that I’m a championship-level cold/flu/hangover nurse, but if our entire relationship feels like I’m a beleaguered hospice worker, I think I’m gonna take a hard pass.

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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