Bruce “Brew-Brew” Tanner
Company: United Oil and Gas
Relationship: High school friend, you were in his wedding
Job: Senior Account Manager
Position: Third base
Relationship status: Married, “like an idiot”
Height: 5 foot 10
Weight: 175 pounds
• Bruce played high school ball and lets everyone know about it. He’s good, but not as good as he thinks he is–he was only offered tuition assistance at a non-scholarship Division III school after high school.
• Takes steroids.
• Great range.
• He’s constantly at odds with his wife. Aggression caused by stress at home leads to increased hustle on the field.
• He will get all of your ’90s baseball movie references.
• The overzealous hustle and face-first slides get old quickly. There will probably will be a massive brawl or two at some point this season when he takes out some 35-year-old with bad knees trying to break up a double play well after the throw to first has been made.
• Zero power. Has to leg out doubles, but consistently puts the ball in play.
• He wears an elbow sleeve. It’s embarrassing.
Projected: Third pick
Outlook: Ol’ Tanny Boy and you have been tight since Mrs. Featherstone’s sophomore biology class. You went to different colleges, but remained close throughout. You’re going to have to cave after he sends you four emails asking to be on your team. He’s hardly athletic, but he will be a decent glove man at third.