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The 20 Most Immature Things I’ve Laughed At This Week

I’m not here to lie to you, good reader. I’m immature–extremely immature. I laugh uncontrollably at the most absurd shit, mostly because I find absurdity highly amusing, but also because I have the self-control of a 5-year-old. If you’ve found your way to this compilation in search of a mind-titillating think piece, this literal equivalent of trashy reality television is the wrong place for you.

It’s humpday (hehehe) and the extreme force of the summer sun has fried my brain; my deliriousness is at an all-time high. If your answer to the question ol’ Petey Frampton poses, “Do you…you feel like I do?” is a resounding “yes,” then hopefully you’ll join me in childish behavior and giggle like a little schoolgirl does when the boy who is mean to her pees in his pants during recess. If not, here’s at least your brain-numbing release for the day.

  1. People referring to Wednesday as “humpday” (see above). Are we talking about camels? Hills? Boobs? Actual humping? I hope and assume the latters.
  2. The smiling poop emoji when paired with almost any other emoji, especially the fireball. Example: 1: “I’m having buffalo wings for dinner.” 2: “Good luck with that [smiling turd pile] [fireball]”
  3. Actually, just add in any jokes dealing with poop and/or farts.
  4. The vine of Johnny Manziel showing off big bird on repeat (like him or not, shit’s hilarious, and it will now be sent daily as the international sign of disagreement).
  5. This conversation with my dad:Screen Shot 2014-08-20 at 1.11.53 PM
  6. Talking in the voice I think my dog would have if personified.
  7. My amusement with myself when I finish off a bottle of alcohol and instinctively salute it as I toss it into the trashcan (something I was taught to do by the jokester in #5).
  8. Not being capable of using the peace sign emoji to depict peace, dependent upon your definition of peace, if you know what I mean.
  9. TWSS (that’s what she said).
  10. Randomly texting this pic out of the blue to people:Alex+really+sucks+at+swimming_d223e6_5045549
  11. The word “subpoena.” (And for you law students beginning criminal procedure, “purging the taint.” You’re welcome.) God, I miss law school Gchats.
  12. My subjectively impressive old school gangster rapping abilities. Also, rappers who rhyme the same word together. You can’t rhyme “shank” with “shank”–it’s the same word!
  13. “Correcting” “s” to “z.” Example: 1: “Hey guys, wanna grab drinks?” 2: “* Guyz **drinkzz, yes pleazzze.”
  14. Anything I’m told I said or did after one too many of those drinks, also known as hearsay, even if the giggle is out of embarrassment for myself and the general question of how I manage to still have friends.
  15. Watching “Beavis and Butt-Head.”
  16. This meme:upsettrexmakingbed
  17. Followed by this meme:af85f51460f1e66a379c47b4c5d0ff0c
  18. My paycheck. I really wish that little, immature bastard would grow up.
  19. That things of this nature occur on any given week and are not just exclusive to this one.
  20. The fact that some people consider me an adult. LOLZ.

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McMagistrate

After stretching college out for 9 years, McMagistrate is now an attorney in her late-ish 20's who earned her title by embracing the stigma that accompanies a healthy partying habit. She enjoys showing off her sub-par golf game and pretending her impressive law school loan doesn't exist. You can likely find her on her patio, live-tweeting her wine binges, and concerning her neighbors.

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