Sleepaway Camp was a magical place. A rollicking eight weeks every year filled with non-stop fun, activity, and a shitload of growing up and experimentation, if you know what I mean. Actually, I don’t know what I mean because none of the girls at sleepaway camp ever noticed me. Girls wouldn’t look me in the eye until I was about 17, much less talk to me. But the days were filled with sports, swimming and rock-climbing, and the nights were filled with activities, campfires, and eating Easy Cheese straight out of the can, staring daggers at your bunk-mate who’s got his arm around the girl you have a crush on. Again, that last one’s probably just me.
Now, we spend our summers in offices under fluorescent lights, rather than in the woods, under the sun, and the only camp we have to look forward to this summer is the Wet, Hot American Summer reboot on Netflix. Camp’s just a distant memory. Unless you decide to take a trip to Camp No Counselors, a whole long weekend of all the activities you knew and loved from camp, but with the added bonuses of alcohol, dance parties with DJs and co-ed cabins. Make no mistake: Somebody’s gonna get pregnant.
For the low, low price of $475, you get a bunk, round-trip transportation, all meals, open bar all weekend, and, of course, every activity you can think of: Ropes courses, color war, talent shows, theme parties, water slides, capture the flag, water skiing, zip lines, and arts and crafts, if you wanna get your friendship bracelet on. I’m assuming it’s BYOP (“Bring Your Own Prophylactics”).
And here’s what a typical day’s looks like schedule:
9:00 – 10:00am: Breakfast (Eggs, French Toast, Bacon, Fresh fruit bar & yogurt, Toast bar, Cereal, Milk, Orange Juice, Coffee, Tea and of course Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s!)
10:30 – 11:30pm: Morning activity period 1 (choose between ropes course, capture the flag, the blob, arts ‘n crafts and many more activities)
11:30 – 12:30pm: Morning activity period 2 (choose between water skiing, tubing, free swim and many more activities)
1:00 – 2:00pm: Lunch (Barbecued grilled chicken, Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Coleslaw, Potato salad, baked beans, Fresh salad bar, Soup of the day, Juice, Water and of course a selection of beer and wine)
2:30pm – 3:30pm: Afternoon activity period 1 (choose between hike, wake-boarding, archery, sunbathing and many more activities)
3:30pm – 4:30pm: Afternoon activity period 2 (choose between hike, friendship bracelet weaving, slip ‘n slide, dodgeball and many more activities)
5:00 – 6:30pm: Nap/shower/relax or maybe we’ll surprise you with a camp-wide scavenger hunt
6:30 – 7:30pm: Happy Hour
7:30 – 8:30pm: Dinner (Grilled skirt steak, roasted vegetables, baked rosemary potatoes, fresh salad bar, dinner rolls, Banana Cake, Juice, Water and a full open bar)
8:30 – 10:00: Camp-wide activity (talent show etc.)
10:00pm – 2am: Dance party
I’m assuming from 2 a.m. to 9 a.m., anything goes. Orgy by the lake? You got it. #ButtStuff2015 in the woods? Why not? Just don’t be a creeper, although all prospective campers are vetted through the online application process.
New York camps (located upstate in Albany) take place May 28-31 and September 4-7, Labor Day Weekend. They also have camps for the Chicago area (June 4-7), Nashville (August 20-23) and Los Angeles (October 1-4). Your boss can even rent the place out for a corporate retreat, unless they’re lame as fuck.
Sounds like a cool way to spend a long weekend this summer. Definitely worth looking into if you want to get crazy laid. Or, if you don’t, there’s always the Easy Cheese in a can..
[via TimeOut New York]
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