We get it. You’ve slaved away at your dead end job for the last 51 weeks straight and you are PUMPED for some low-key vacay time. As we all are. There’s nothing better than sipping an over priced airport bloody at 10:00 a.m. on a Wednesday while everyone else you know is cursing their own existence in the cubicle they share with three other people. I’d take a two hour layover in a shitty town like, I don’t know, say, Houston, knowing I’ll be day drunk on the beach in a few short hours over preparing a Power Point ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Trust.
But you know who isn’t as excited about my vacation as me? Literally everyone else. And I know that for a fact, because when I see ‘friends’ check in ‘at DFW International Airport – traveling to Panama City – vacation here I come!’ I automatically unfollow you. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit where you’re going. Why not? Because you’re not going with me. If I’m not there, I’m not interested. Call me self-absorbed, but I don’t care about your camel riding adventures in Morocco or the lame (read: cool as fuck) elephant ride you’re going on in Thailand.
Remember the childhood lyric you recited when Sara whispered some juicy secret into Megan’s ear and not yours? Secrets don’t make friends? Welcome to adulthood where that completely goes out the window. Secrets DO make friends when it means keeping your travel plans to yourself. There’s literally no reason to post your airport location unless you’re purposefully heading to no friend zone: population you. Just post cool pics when you get to wherever you’re going. Pics or GTFO anyway.
But, let me be very clear about something. When I go to fly as hell places without you? You better believe I expect 50+ likes. My travels are more important than yours, number one. Number two, I’m a hypocritical postgrad just like the rest of you. Do as I say, not as I do, or some bullshit like that.
Also, I’m literally writing this from Gate C44 at Houston Intercontinental. Orlando here I come! All my friends are about to be reeeaaalll jealous of my drunken adventures with Mickey and friends at Epcot and Magic Kingdom. Ha..
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