Hold the phone, nation. Starbucks just announced a new “pay ahead” plan, causing women worldwide to collectively pass out from sudden blood rush to their private parts. We have asked (read: stomped our feet in impatience), and they have yet again delivered.
Even though there seem to be an average 96 S’bucks locations per city block, lines still seem to be overwhelmingly long during high traffic times, such as the morning rush and holiday season. Maybe if they didn’t put crack cocaine in their Pumpkin Spice Lattes, that wouldn’t be an issue. But, I digress. Starbucks understands that their ridic lines may deter potential customers, especially customers like myself who think they can wake up 10 minutes before work, grab coffee, and still make it into the office on time. In order to prevent this, they’re launching a new program in Portland later this year before taking the whole she-bang national in 2015. Finally, caffeine-deprived men and women everywhere will get to pre-order their Starbs on their smart phones before arriving to the aromatic happy place itself.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! In order to encourage 9-5 slave workers to use download their app, they are offering Starbucks for Life for 10 lucky people who pay for their deliciousness with a card or the app. This is not a drill people. If chosen, you will receive one free drink or food item a day for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. It’s as if the marketing people over at their headquarters in Seattle got in my brain and peaked in on my wet dreams at night.
Starbucks, this announcement is a game changer. The next step I’ll need y’all to take is to have my hangover order memorized for delivery Saturday mornings.
[via Kansas City Star]