The following is a conversation had between Rachel and her sorority little, Amanda. They are both lying in their hotel bed, devastatingly hungover from the previous night’s shenanigans. Rachel is wearing sweatpants, a bikini top, and several bead necklaces she doesn’t remember receiving. Amanda is wearing bikini bottoms, a fanny pack that says “Spring Break Forever,” and a men’s XL tank top.
Rachel: Oh my fuck. What the shit happened last night? My last memory is deciding swigging tequila straight from the bottle was a good idea. Little, where did you go after the beach concert? Wait, where did I go after the beach concert?
Amanda: Dude, first of all, I need you turn your face away from me, because your booze breath is going to make me vom all over this room, and your name is on the deposit. Secondly, what kind of little would I be if I were any more sober than you were last night? As far as I know, we both left the beach when Lauren threw up literally at the feet of a security guard and got kicked out. Us all, and the dudes we were dancing with came back to the room to chill and smoke, but then I told them to leave after you passed out midway through eating your pizza.
Rachel: That explains why I have a slice of pepperoni under my pillow. Am I fatass if I low key want to eat it for breakfast? And wait, hold up – what guys? Why was I dancing with anyone? Fuck, I didn’t hook up with anyone, did I?
Amanda: I’ll answer your two-part question in order. Yes, that would make you a fatass, but if you don’t eat it, hand it over, because the only thing in my stomach is rum. Two, I don’t think you hooked up with him. I was too busy giving my guy a handie on the dance floor to pay a lot of attention to you, but I think you were just dancing and he was grinding on you. Plus, I doubt you would cheat on Eric, even if you were 100% blacked.
Rachel: Fuck, I hope not. Where’s my phone? I should text him and let him know I’m barely alive. *reads last night’s text from Eric* Holy fuck. Amanda read this.
Amanda: You put a video of you and another guy on your story?! How bad is it? Check your story and I’ll check mine.
Rachel: Fuck. It’s not, like, immediate break up bad, but it is definitely bad. Is he even really grinding on me? I swear he was like doing that awkward “I’m just going to dance really close behind you because I’m working up the courage to eventually put my junk on your ass” move. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Amanda: Well, my story just has several extremely unattractive, close up, flash on selfies of my washed out face so I’ll just delete those. Wait… what did Eric mean by “We’ll both have fun this weekend?” Is he saying he’s going to cheat on you?
Rachel: Yeah, I definitely don’t like that wording, although I don’t think he’d do that to me. Let me check his snap story.
*They both watch a video of Eric and his boys at the club, a blurry picture of the group with some unknown girls, and a picture of Eric with his arm around a random blonde girl*
Rachel: Hold up, I’m screenshotting that last one. Does he…does he have his hand on her ass?!
Amanda: Ohhh, fuck. That fucking asshole! That’s a direct attack. He had someone else take this photo, put on that filter that makes everyone look tanner, and was groping another girl in it? Do you think he actually cheated? What are you going to do?
Rachel: There’s no way he didn’t take this girl home after taking this photo. You know what I’m going to do? Hand me a beer. I’m going to let him know that his cheating doesn’t even phase me, and I’m going to enjoy my last spring break ever.
Amanda: I mean, maybe you should give him a call and see what actually happened? I know what he did was fucked up, but maybe you should find out exactly what he did before you escalate things?
Rachel: I’m not going to escalate things. I’m just going to text him to let him know I got his message, and I’m going to enjoy my vacation. Whatever happens, happens.
*Rachel types out: Wow. At first I felt horrible that I may or may not have been dancing with a guy in my snap story, but then I saw yours. You’re really going to put a picture of you GROPING another girl on your story, for me and all of our friends to see? You’re fucked up. I’m not letting you ruin my spring break with your bullshit. I’m gonna have a great time, just like you said. Maybe I’ll talk to you when I get home, maybe I won’t. Bye.
Amanda: Maybe you should take a minute to cool down before you send anyth… oh, you just sent it. Don’t give me that look. I’m just trying to help you out, biggie! Let’s get these other bitches up and get drunk. Spring breaaaaak! .