What a treat we have here. Looks like one of Jojo’s suitors is getting a little loosey-goosey with the contractually binding anti-spoiler silence provision famously imposed upon each Bachelor and Bachelorette contestant. That said, I am not sure we should be surprised as this is behavior we can only expect from the one who established himself as this season’s “bad boy” by riding in on a motorcycle. Nothing sexier than a little breach of contract lawsuit to go along with your crotch rocket. Take a look at what my good friend who lives in LA sent me this afternoon:
So, it looks things didn’t work out between Christian and Jojo, and our boy made a beeline (sorry) for our very favorite dating app to get himself a rebound.
If this is real, I have concerns. First, I can only assume the punishment for this sort of thing must be pretty severe, as no one that I know of has really done it. Aren’t you a little worried about having to walk the plank or whatever equally threatening punishment you’ll face? And if so, why would you use your Bachelorette headshot as your main photo? Are you thinking that using the picture that has been circulated around the internet for weeks isn’t going to raise a few eyebrows?
Furthermore, you could have used the “Bumble keeps showing your profile even after you go inactive” (pro-tip for anyone in the doghouse for this reason) as an excuse if you were low-key using it for some post-filming strange. Know what nullifies that excuse? How about putting the fucking picture that was taken of you after you were cast and therefore during the period of time in which you are contractually bound? Come on, dude, I know you don’t get much sleep due to your 4 a.m. gym sessions, but it doesn’t take an above average telecom professional to figure this one out. Your Instagram has plenty of pictures that more appropriately reflect the vibe you’re trying to put out and are much less likely to get you rolled.
Regardless, I was practically foaming at the mouth to see the contents of his bio. After all, I remember thinking during the show that this man is the human embodiment of a terrible Bumble bio:
Christian sounds like he'd have the most delicious Bumble bio to roast
— Best (@MillennialWhine) May 24, 2016
Unfortunately, he brings nothing to the table in this department. Maybe he learned a little something about how to not be insufferable on his “journey.” Judging by the thumbnails of the rest of his photos, however, that does not seem to be the case.
As usual, “Bad Boy,” we have you to thank for the thrill. In return I wish you the best of luck and the best lawyers your flash in the pan stardom can buy..