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Some Questions I Have For The Next Time Someone Slides Into My DMs

Some Questions I Have For The Next Time Someone Slides Into My DMs

I remember the first time someone used a variation of the phrase “Slide into my DMs” around me. I was really confused. Why would you want a stranger sending you a direct message over social media? What do you even say to that person? What do you talk about? What’s the point?

That was three years ago. Times have changed. I’m almost exclusively meeting women over dating apps and have a knack for meeting strangers from the internet, so I figured once I started writing for this site regularly, I would attach my Twitter and Instagram handles to my profile to see what would happen. Well, months have passed, and I’ve gotten maybe one or two DMs, none of them really of relevance. Mostly just other writers for the site asking for sushi recommendations. Nothing bad about that, just a little bit discouraging, you know?

Well, last night, it was brought to my attention that I had my Twitter account set up so that I would only receive direct messages from people that I followed. Silly, silly me. I updated my settings to “Receive Direct Messages from anyone” and the floodgates opened.

I felt overwhelmed. I was getting supped left and right. Okay, that’s not true. I got supped once. But still. I didn’t know what to do. Awkward conversation ensued until I closed out the conversation with some finger guns gifs.

Since I have a knack for asking for advice, and I’m on that #GrowthMindset2017, I have a few questions for the next time this happens.

What is the standard reply to “Sup?”

Is there even one? I’m asking because I wasn’t sure if I should say what I was actually up to (watching Harry Potter and eating delivery poke) or just respond with a similar one word sentence. I went with the one word sentence.

Her: Sup?

Me: Howdy.

Nailed it(?).

What’s the difference between sending a Direct Message and sliding into someone’s DMs?

I hit my friends up on Twitter all the time. We send funny shit back and forth, make plans, express feelings through emojis and gifs…you know, millennial stuff. That doesn’t mean I’m trying to fuck my friends, though.

How should I make that distinction? Do I have to ask some probing questions? I mean, it seems pretty ridiculous to think that someone might send you a DM that says, “Sup?” only to follow up with a great deal on fitness supplements, but hey. It could happen.

I shouldn’t assume that this person wants to fuck me, right?

Sex is not something that I actively pursue. A long time ago, I came to the realization that if it’s going to happen, it’ll happen, and if you walk into the bar with the mindset of, “Okay, which of you am I going to bang tonight?” it’s a huge turn off. Roll with the punches. Read the room. Engage in actual conversation. Don’t be a dick.

Keeping all of that in mind, pop culture and word of mouth have led me to believe that the only time someone will slide into your DMs is when they’re trying to hook up with you. I don’t want to automatically make that assumption, but there has to be some level of attraction there, right? Right? I’m legitimately asking because this is all new to me.

Should I be sliding into other people’s DMs?

Not to get analytical, but is there a chart or graph or any physical representation of data that can show me the actual results of sliding into DMs? As a person who loves attention and assumes that everyone else in the world is just like me, I get the impression that hitting people up via direct message is a big win, and I want to believe that there is proof behind that. I mean, I’m significantly more likely to talk to someone who sends me a private, personal message than to someone who just @’s me on social media, so why wouldn’t anyone else?

I’m not saying that I’m going to be hitting up celebrities any time soon, but if there’s someone I follow that I’m into, should I be sending them a clever one-liner? Will it be weird from there? What if I see them in public? I don’t want to picture it.

I’m probably over-thinking this. One of these days I’ll stop, but for the time being, here we are. Let’s see where this goes.

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Charlie

Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.

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