It’s time to make the switch. After living with roommates for the entirety of college, I finally have a bedroom to myself. To me, that means I can at last embrace the lifestyle I’ve been looking forward to for years: Sleeping naked.
According to a study conducted by Men’s Fitness, 52 percent of Americans sleep “Partially clothed,” 31 percent sleep “fully clothed” and 17 percent of Americans sleep “unclothed.” Since getting my own room, I have vigorously welcomed the opportunity to join the 17 percent.
The only thing more concerning than the fact that under one in five Americans sleep with clothing on is that some polls put the number closer to one in ten. How could such a paltry number of United States citizens not be experiencing the joys and comforts of sleeping naked? It truly baffles me. If you’re on the fence about giving it a shot but still need some convincing, keep in mind that there are multiple health benefits to sleeping sans clothing.
For starters, scientists say you’ll sleep better through the night if you’re naked because you won’t be dealing with your pajamas interfering with your naturally fluctuating body temperature. Science said it, so it has to be true. However, if that hasn’t convinced you then maybe this will – Sleeping in underwear can increase the risk of infection downstairs, leaving your once promising sexual career floundering as you desperately attempt to cure whatever diseases are left to fester around your private parts.
Too dramatic? Perhaps, but the benefits don’t stop there. In addition to keeping the boys safe from harm, you’ll be protecting your little swimmers for the big day when you decide to pass along your genes to help create the next generation. Tight underwear can actually increase the heat of the family jewels to the point of decreased sperm quality. Bro points to science for looking out. On the flip side, if you’re looking to avoid pregnancy at all costs, invest in a space heater to superheat your sack to the point of sterility.
Research and science aside, there’s just something comforting about sleeping naked. As soon as I slip out of my clothes and climb into bed for the night, I feel safe. I can relax. The stresses and anxieties from the day slip away, leaving me with nothing left to do but fall right asleep. This could be attributed to me just getting into bed in general, but I like to think it’s because of the nudity.
Also, for those occasional nights when a lady friend stays over, waking up next to each other already unclothed makes the transition into extracurricular morning activities all that much easier. For those of you with more serious significant others or spouses, sleeping naked together could be the spark you need to initiate some weekday hanky-panky outside of the already planned missionary Wednesday.
Any qualms you may have with sleeping naked should be tossed aside in favor of at least trying it. Worried about going to get some food or water in the middle of the night? Buy a robe. Actually, regardless of whether you heed my advice to remove your clothes before snoozing, you should own a robe. Everyone should own a robe. It’s an affordable symbol of luxury and class that spans generations. If you start strutting around your apartment in a robe and sleeping in the nude, there’s no telling what you can accomplish.
Sleeping naked is a liberating experience, and one that should be enjoyed by anyone who has the capability to. Embrace the nudist lifestyle after dark and escape your life of overheating, midnight wedgies, and general discomfort that you may not have even realized could be avoided by losing the clothes come bedtime. Trust me, you won’t regret it..
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