- A version of my apartment wherein my clothes are not draped over everything with surface area to spare.
- A clear (but adequately sturdy) waterbed with a live and very friendly dolphin living inside of it.
- An old Bugatti full of entirely legal hundred dollar bills with no previous linkage to embezzlement, mafia activity, or roadside prostitution (and a perfectly logical explanation).
- A multi-level candy store with no security cameras after closing hours.
- On the set of any Ke$ha music video, post “go insane, go insane throw some glitter make it rain.”
- The year 2000, on the floor of Sisqo’s recording spot while he considered giving the world “The Thong Song” for the very first time.
- A urine-free crate full of chocolate lab puppies.
- The 50-yard-line of The Big House. ’Cause that means I did some serious work towards getting myself there in the first place…and totally pulled it off.
- Atop the world’s largest beanbag.
- In one of those beds that can fold you into a pretzel if you want.
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