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September Is The Alpha Male Of The Sports Calendar

September Is The Alpha Male Of The Sports Calendar

We’re finally on the cusp of September, and that means it’s here. No, not fall. It’s still scorching fucking hot outside guys. Get real. No, not Labor Day weekend (although I will be attending a Labor Day weekend wedding and trying not to embarrass myself). No, it’s not pumpkin spice fucking everything, you basic bitches. You know what I’m talking about, people. The best damn sports month has finally arrived.

We are about to reach peak sports. Now, I’m anticipating rampant disagreement, and I hear you. I respect your opinion and completely get your reasoning. Yes, March has March Madness and NBA playoff races. Yes, January has CFB Playoff and the NFL playoffs. I get what you’re trying to say, just know you’re wrong. September is the powerhouse sports month, and it’s time you recognized its superiority.

First, it’s baseball pennant chase time. If you’re just one of those “fuck baseball, it’s boring, not gonna do it” people: 1. You suck, and 2. Skip down, there’s plenty more reason to be giddy over September. If you’re on the fence about baseball, read this, and then get fired up for the pennant races.

Baseball has had a few miscues the past couple decades, what with the tied All-Star Game, the PED issues, and somehow not drafting me and my small frame/low-80s fastball despite being draft eligible four times. This can all be forgiven because they added a second Wild Card team, and now the September hunt is even more thrilling. Over half of the MLB is still clawing at a playoff spot right now, and I think it’s evident we’ll be in for a solid finish. You can argue that the NBA offers the same thing, but you know going into the NBA playoffs that half those teams don’t have a shot in hell of winning it all.

If your team sucks, good news! Everyone has a top prospect to bring up for a September audition, so at least you’ve got some young badass who you hope doesn’t bust to look forward to. In the NBA, you’re stuck watching the same shit bags finish out a tanking season while the non-contending NFL teams are just throwing guys up there that still have all their limbs and memories intact.

Let’s now turn our attention to football. Good old concussion giving, felon-players having, Johnny Football sobriety causing NFL, is back in prime time. Everyone loves football, and September graciously gives it back to you. Not training camp, not pre-season, but real meaningful games. I want to cry tears of sports fan joy just thinking about it.

What makes September great when it comes to football is that every team has a chance; there’s that glimmer of hope that flows through every sports fan. Your team may have been shit last year and are projected to be even worse this year, but dammit you never know. Are you a Bucs fan? In September, you’ve still got that hope that Jameis and the boys will be real “skrong.” I live and die with the Cowboys, and going into last year there were some lousy predictions being thrown our way, but I stubbornly held out hope. And as we all know, Jerry’s power squad made a little playoff run, and Dez caught that damn ball.

That hope is doubled for your college football team. You never know which recruits will change the face of your program, or which guys grew into certified monsters over the summer. In September, everyone’s got a fighting chance to be good. Again, we can take from my personal experience. As a Virginia Tech fan, September was wonderful. Upset Ohio State and looked primed to reclaim past glory. By October, I had realized that you needed to be able to score points to win football games, so my optimism was in the shitter, but hell, how great was September, right? Tailgating is a lot better when your team still has a shot at a decent bowl as opposed to when you’re just drinking so you don’t remember the game.

The month is about as well-rounded as any. You’ve even got NBA training camp firing up, and you know you’ll get daily Sportscenter updates from Cavs camp. I don’t care what your sport is, September has something for you (I’d imagine that some form of soccer is going right now, too, but don’t quote me on that). You’re getting baseball’s very best, and the chance to be optimistic in the face of what might not be a great season for your football team. Argue all you want, but September will shut you down.

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Kyle Bandujo

The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.

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