Well, they finally went ahead and did it; it’s been a long time coming, too. Microsoft, the company you don’t give a shit about anymore unless it’s immediately followed by the words “Xbox” or “Bought the LA Clippers”, announced that they will be officially retiring Internet Explorer. That’s right, the first internet browser you probably ever used will soon be no more after an almost two-decade long run.
Internet Explorer launched on August 16th, 1995, almost twenty years ago, and will be giving way to a new internet browser to go along with upcoming operating system Windows 10, code-named “Project Spartan”. Seriously? Spartan? Microsoft is really going all-in with these fucking Halo references. Spartan Web Browser, the Cortana digital personal assistant, their answer to Siri. What’s next? Turning Microsoft Paint into “Master Chief’s Art Studio”?
I think it had to be done, honestly. There’s no getting past the stigma of Internet Explorer, anymore. “Internet Explorer Jokes” is one of the top results when you type “Internet Explorer” into Google. You’ve heard ’em all, too. My dead grandfather could run faster than Internet Explorer, God rest his smutty soul. I don’t always open Internet Explorer, but when I do, it’s to download another browser. I accidentally clicked on Internet Explorer, now I have to wait an hour before I can close it. We get it.
But you’ve got to be a little sad about it, don’t you? This is probably the first browser any of us ever used…unless you used Nexus or Mosaic, in which case, you’re way too intense for me. That’s how we first reached out and touched the world using the Internet. It’s how we first learned to communicate across the country and around the world with just a computer. But, for most of us, it’s the first thing that brought us easily accessible free porn 24/7 without leaving the house. And that’s one hell of an achievement for mankind.
So here’s to you, Internet Explorer, you shitty browser, you. Thanks for the memories, and for whatever made you suck so badly that someone invented Chrome as a result..
[via The Verge]