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Rid Yourself Of Your Monday Blues By Reading The Worst Stories Our Readers Submitted About Their Weekends

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will@grandex.co.

Rid Yourself Of Your Monday Blues By Reading The Worst Stories Our Readers Submitted About Their Weekends

A word for the wise – do not watch The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu if you’re a sufferer of the Sunday Scaries. At one moment, you’re sitting their thinking, “Man, glad Peggy did something great after Mad Men,” and the next minute you’re watching her beat the life out of some dude with a gang of other women. And that’s not a spoiler for how the entire show goes, so place your aggression somewhere else.

Thankfully, Silicon Valley and Veep undid the damage, and I fell into a melatonin-gummy induced sleep shortly thereafter.

These people, though? Yeah, they had it much worse.

This weekend I was invited to visit my girlfriends family for an annual horse race. The races went great, I won some cash, then found out I have an interview today for a job in a new city. Great! Let’s celebrate. I continued to slam down 100 proof SoCo shots with my girlfriend’s father and his friends at the race after party. Next thing I know I wake up on lthe guest bedroom floor. Why the floor you ask? Well someone, (me) decided to vomit all over the guest bed and carpet. Carpet color? White.

I now sit here in their living room hungover in shame as I wait for the interview at A BAR. I can name several places I’d rather be than at a bar with this headache. Like do I order a water?

To add to the scaries I made the rookie mistake of a late sunday night flight before work tomorrow.

Hope you did less cleaning than i did this weekend.

I don’t know how to make you feel better other than showing you to a piece called How Old Is Too Old To Throw Up From Drinking. But as someone who accidentally blacked out at The Kentucky Oaks, I get how horse races can get the best of you.

Will, bad case of the scaries. It’s my last weekend in my college town and I’ve gone out the past 3 nights, don’t remember getting to the bar for any of them. One too many videos were taken of me that can and will be used against me in the foreseeable future. I start my first post grad job tomorrow and have to move there tonight to be ready for tomorrow. It’s a two hour drive, it’s 1:15 and I haven’t even started packing yet. Help

If these people are actually your friends, those videos will exist solely in group texts and as blackmail moving forward when you decide to run for office. If they start whipping them out in public settings showing the world, you need to join the Witness Protection Program and find new friends.

Here’s a doozy: senior year finals starting tomorrow at 8 am, and I woke up Sunday morning to a break up text from my gf of six months. Happy studying to me.

Clear eyes, broken hearts, ace finals. I think that’s what they say, at least.

Let me start this off by saying I’m laying in the Las Vegas airport wearing my Sunday Scaries shirt.

But we went to Vegas this weekend with like 25 people. First day we were up for 30 hours and after drinking all day long and an expensive trip to the strip club I found myself alone in a casino and a girl approaches me implying she wants to hook up. Now of course in the state I was in my awareness was super low so I didn’t have a full grasp of the situation. We got a taxi to what I assumed was to go back to her hotel but it was to go pick up coke and she was now asking me for money. I told her I wasn’t giving her shit and planned on ditching her as soon as we got to the spot where she was getting her coke. We got there and she forced me out the cab but I told her I had no money and was going home. She then grabbed me by the throat and told me to give her $500. I said you need to get your hands off me right now she wouldn’t so I pushed her down, chased the cabbie down and got the hell outta there. Didn’t get outta bed till 7 the next night. Vegas man.

This sounds like the unrated version of The Hangover, man. This is why I have zero plans in my life to go to Vegas. I don’t need late nights, girls choking me out on / for coke, and strip clubs. I need wide open golf courses, birds chirping, and 10 p.m. bedtime where I fall asleep to a Spotify jazz playlist.

My high school tennis team won the state championship on Saturday and on Saturday night I drank champagne from the giant cup that was the trophy only and then woke up to my entire floor of my bedroom covered in plastic wrap and trashcans everywhere. Turns out I had come home and whilst vomiting I continued to hold up a number one. My parents had filmed the entire thing for laughs. And then I found out I had to give the trophy back to the school so I had to spend an hour getting the smell out.

Last week, it was everyone going back to their alma maters. This week, we’ve got people taping each other vomiting. Why are you people like this? Decisions like this are why you get Sunday Scaries in the first place.

Started Saturday off by going to a bottomless brunch so was pretty drunk by around 1pm. Chubbies has a store close to the brunch spot so we stopped in to browse and drink the free beer they have. Ended up buying a pineapple onesie from them and on the way out of the store, threw up over their balcony into a trash can of a boutique below. Cleaned myself up, bought some lulu shorts, then went to a rooftop party to pregame the Chainsmokers concert. Ended up losing my keys sometime between the concert and the post concert bars and didn’t know until I tried to drive 2 hours home today. So currently in a friend’s car to drive me home to get my spare key and then have to drive back later. Scaries are high.

Bottomless brunch to Chubbies store to a Chainsmokers concert? Did you say to yourself, “Damn, I want to have the most bro weekend I can possibly have”? Because if so, I think you succeeded.

As the world’s number one supporter of the song ‘Paris,’ I’m officially out on The Chainsmokers. Our friendship began and ended when I interviewed them in the world’s greatest interview, but ever since they dropped that garbage album, I can’t even jokingly like them anymore.

Two of my college bros ran the Broad Street 10 miler in Philly today. And by ran, I mean crushed it. One actually drove down from Canada, who I haven’t seen since graduation. We’ve been drinking all day and plan to continue this trend into the night. I have to be in the office tomorrow by 8 am. The office is two hours away. Monday Scaries on deck. Hope you and Dillion drank a million beers while watching the pup.

“Dillion” and I did no such thing, to his dismay. I flew private all weekend with the puppy while casually sipping bronson after bronson in the comfort of my own home.

Took one too many tequila shots at a party Saturday, woke up naked on my couch with a massive bruise on my back. I’m too afraid to call my friends and find out what happened, and I just eat $20 worth of Chinese food. I hate myself, the struggle is real.

Time to find new friends, man. Let’s just hope they don’t have any video of you like everyone else from this weekend.

After drinking copious amount of tequila at my friend’s wedding this weekend, I ended up sleeping with the best man (I was the maid of honor). To make things even better, we overslept so I had to ride the four hours home dressed in last night’s clothes while avoiding the smirks from all of my closest friends. Finally, I had to have them pull over on the highway so I could puke out the car door.

Ahhhhh, you smell that, everyone? Wedding Season.

And now, an email titled “My First Sunday Scaries – Not Bad.”

I graduated college this weekend, although I’ve been following PGP for a few years.

This Sunday was understandably a hungover one, but the scaries have not kicked in. However, I just wanted to open this line of communication because I’m sure they will be coming once I start my job in July.

I did accidentally hook up with my ex girlfriend after our families both coincidentally congregated at the same bar post graduation, but my blissful ignorance of any responsibility has guided me to safety.

Please tell me I can live like this forever

Hate to break it to you, man, but you can’t live like this forever. They get worse, and worse, and worse until one day you tell yourself, “I can’t live like this anymore.” Suddenly, you turn into a monster who only goes out one night a week. You can’t drink more than a couple micro-brews because of indigestion and stomach issues. You look at yourself in the mirror and you have hair coming out of your nose and ears. You check your watch and realize that you’re on the downward slope of your twenties but still living like you’re 19, just with longer hangovers and more money to splash around. Cherish this while you can. Make now until you start your job in July the best time of your goddamn life.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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