One of my old instructors used to say, “If a guy cheats on the course, he’ll cheat you in business.” I have no idea what the correlation between fudging numbers on the course and cooking the books is, but it makes sense. I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m doing businessy things with business people.
At risk of feeding the Trump media monster, I felt compelled to cover the allegations that Donald Trump is a notorious golf cheat; allegations that he firmly denies. If you’re feeling Trump fatigue, like many are, I apologize. I understand where you’re coming from, but I believe this falls under the “Big, if true” category. According to a Washington Post report, Trump is known to take liberties on the course.
One morning in the mid-1990s, Mark Mulvoy was on the sixth hole of Long Island’s Garden City Golf Club with Donald Trump when the skies opened, and they ducked for cover under a nearby awning. The rain let up a few moments later, and Mulvoy, then the managing editor of Sports Illustrated, returned to the green. When he got there, he found a ball 10 feet from the pin that he didn’t remember seeing before the storm.
“Who the hell’s ball is this?” he said.
“That’s me,” the real estate mogul said, according to Mulvoy.
“Donald, give me a f—— break,” Mulvoy recalls telling him. “You’ve been hacking away in the g—— weeds all day. You do not lie there.”
“Ahh, the guys I play with cheat all the time,” he recalls Trump replying. “I have to cheat just to keep up with them.”
“The worst celebrity golf cheat?” the rock star Alice Cooper said in a 2012 interview with Q magazine. “I wish I could tell you that. It would be a shocker. I played with Donald Trump one time. That’s all I’m going to say.” (“I’ve never played with Alice Cooper,” Trump said. “That’s a terrible thing to say about people, especially me.”)
“Golf is like bicycle shorts: It can reveal a lot about a guy,” said Rick Reilly, the sportswriter who hit the links with Trump for his 2004 book “Who’s Your Caddy?” in which he lugged clubs for several of the world’s best golfers and VIP amateurs.
Reilly told The Washington Post about an afternoon when Trump wrote down scores he didn’t actually achieve on his scorecard, conceded putts to himself by raking the ball into the hole with his putter rather than striking it properly (“He rakes like my gardener!”), and even called a gimme — something a player might claim for a two-foot putt — on what should have been a chip shot.
“He took the world’s first gimme chip-in,” Reilly said. At one point, Trump, after taking a number of second shots, told Reilly to “make sure you write that I play my first ball. You don’t get a second ball in life.” In life it may or may not be true that a person gets a second chance; and yet, as Reilly wrote, on holes 1, 13 and 17, Trump did indeed get a second ball.
I feel dirty just reading that. When my Sunday group gets after it, we’re not pulling out the rulebook every time Mike takes a drop that may be a little more than two club lengths. It’s just not practical. But you best believe that anyone pulling some of the shit Trump is alleged to have done will be shunned, berated, and if we’re playing a money game, expelled from the group. It’s just a sorry move.
We’ve all dealt with cheaters, and it’s not as much about the fact that their score is a complete fabrication, but the real tragedy is how awkward it makes everything. You know what I mean.
Me: “What’d you have on 17?”
Me: “Didn’t you lose a ball and then 3 putt?”
Shitbag: Oh, I guess I did lose that ball…”
Ohhh, you dirty cheating bastards. You make things so tense for the rest of us. It’s almost not even worth calling you out. If it happens once, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Twice? I’m looking over at the rest and scratching my head. Three times? I’m putting you on blast, dog.
There’s a lot of reasons not to support Trump: inexperience, inflaming rhetoric, and just overall dickheadishness, but if this cheating stuff is true… it won’t matter. As long as Trump keeps substituting verbal attacks for substantive arguments, the monster will grow. Idiocracy 2016..
[via The Washington Post]
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