“I’m 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids (of all races) on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say. email: firstname.lastname@example.org.”
That’s what the bio reads that belongs to the greatest Twitter account that has ever graced the Internet. With only 74 tweets spanning over 48 days, @GhettoHikes has managed to pick up 433,000 followers. Unlike many of the faceless parody accounts that you see with huge followings, the @GhettoHikes follower count has seemingly developed organically. He doesn’t appear to share RTs and springboard off the success of others. It’s simply funny as shit, and people have noticed.
The owner of the account, referred to as “Mr. Cody” throughout his timeline, wouldn’t post often, but when he did, he hit your timeline with the quotes of filterless “urban” kids that seemingly all had futures in stand-up comedy.
Some claim the quotes Mr. Cody posted were made up, or “fake,” but I don’t see it as all that relevant, if it’s even true at all. If he didn’t actually hear these little urban achievers talking about cuddling the fuck out of rabbits, bringing water from a waterfall back to a girl because “that bitch loves waterfalls,” or using the first AIDS kit because Leon thought he tore his rotisserie cuff, that means he was writing them himself. He gets credit either way. The tweets were all solid gold.
Then, just like that, Mr. Cody was gone. On February 22, 2012, he posted for the last time. Here it is:
“E.J. back there havin’ a starin’ contest with da sun, slowin’ down the whole pack… homeboy shoulda gone to Space Camp.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) February 22, 2012
The second anniversary of a world devoid of @GhettoHikes one-liners is only a couple weeks away. It’s not a time to celebrate, but we’re going to revisit the 10 best posts, in my opinion, from the greatest Twitter account we’ve ever seen.
My Top 10 @GhettoHikes Tweets:
10. Terry, the Ca-raaaaaaazy Gerbil
“Next time we out here, I’mma bring my gerbil, Terry. That motherfucka would be going ca-raaaaaaazy.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 16, 2012
9. First Aids Kit
“Bring the first aids kit, Leon think he tore his rotisserie cuff.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 9, 2012
8. That Johnny Appleseed Mother Fucker
“Mr. Cody, there’s a ass loada trees out here… bet that Johnny Appleseed mother fucker went buck wild up in this spot.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 25, 2012
“You should bring girls out here to nature, Mr. Cody. Sing Kumbaya or some shit and just watch the pants drop.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 13, 2012
6. The Matin’ Seasons
“Hey, i’mma leave this cologne out for the animals. Help a brother get some pussy in the matin’ seasons.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 26, 2012
5. Fuckin’ Orange Leaf
“Mr. Cody, hook me up wit a glue stick… I’mma cut and paste this fuckin’ orange leaf into my memories book.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) February 10, 2012
4. I’mma Catch Diabetes or Some Shit
“Crazy shit out here in da wild, feel likes i’mma catch diabetes or some shit.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 11, 2012
3. Sheep Snuggie
“Them sheeps is funny lookin… Homie wearin’ a snuggie full time.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) February 9, 2012
2. Ssss Ssss… Scarin’ Bitches
“Mr. Cody, if you could be a forest animal, what’d you be? I be a snake, walkin’ around all like ssss ssss… scarin’ bitches.”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) January 20, 2012
1. Eatable Rabbits
“Is rabbits eatable? Or you just s’posed to cuddle the fuck outta them?”
— Ghetto Hikes (@GhettoHikes) February 20, 2012
I hit up the email address posted in the real @GhettoHikes bio to ask for a quick interview, because I don’t just want answers–I need answers. I don’t expect a response, but I’ll let you all know if I get one. Why did he stop posting? Does he no longer lead nature hikes? Did he grow tired of Twitter? Is he in prison? Dead? Is he ever coming back?
I don’t know if he’ll return, but in case he does, follow him. It’s the greatest Twitter account of all time.