Red Alert: Your IKEA Furniture Might Be Lethal

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IKEA Is Flammable

If you are anything like me, and judging by the content and comments on this website, we are all basically separate shades of the same individual, your apartment or house is filled with 90-95 percent IKEA products.

Who doesn’t love IKEA? The furniture is pretty nice and relatively inexpensive, the selection is massive and you can buy a delicious hot dog and slice of pepperoni pizza at check out for, like, two bucks. But discounts come at a price, and this time the price might be…


From NBC News:

Ikea has issued a recall for at least 29 million chests and dressers that can easily tip over onto children, injuring or killing them, NBC News confirmed.

The furniture giant said Monday that after the three deaths of three children it is no longer selling its “Malm” series products because they “could be a danger,” Ikea USA president Lars Peterson told NBC News.

“Please take them out of the room,” Peterson said, adding that customers are eligible for a free repair kit to anchor the furniture to a wall. Refunds will also be offered.

NOT MALM! My whole damn room is strictly ‘Malm’ furniture. And it looks great! So sleek and modern, and only like $500 bucks for a whole set. What am I supposed to do now? Disrupt the conformity of my rental apartment? No way. I don’t even know if I even believe my household furniture could be so lethal. It doesn’t add — Oh, no. They have firsthand accounts? Shit.

Among those to be killed by an Ikea Malm dresser was two-year-old Curren Collas. Two years ago, the boy’s mother, Jackie Collas, went to his room to get him dressed. There, she found the dresser on the ground.

“I didn’t see him anywhere, so I went over and kind of pulled everything apart,” she said. “I saw the little top of his head trapped between the dresser” and the bed.

The dresser, Collas said, was not anchored to the wall.

“I never heard of that before,” she said, adding that one of her “main goals right now is to just spread the word about anchoring anything that could fall.”

Jesus. I do not recommend clicking on the original link, because you will see a photo of that cute little kid who was killed by IKEA furniture and it will fuck up your afternoon.

Anchor your goddamn furniture to your wall, folks. If you don’t have a kid, think of your dog. You wouldn’t want a dresser to crush your pup, now, would you? And if you own anything of the ‘Malm’ variety, take it out back, douse it in lighter fluid and gasoline and send it straight to hell.

Then it’s off to IKEA to replace it with something else.

[via NBC News]

Image via FotograFFF /

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