Reasonable One-Night Stand Etiquette For Your Mid-Twenties

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Reasonable One-Night Stand Etiquette For Your Mid-Twenties

Despite how much we think we’re going to grow up after we graduate from college, many of the changes we expect don’t come right away. Personally, I thought that once I got a career underway and started making money I could start narrowing down the dating pool and find myself in a serious relationship within five years. That seemed realistic to me. Little did I know that one night stands were still a thing well into your late twenties and possibly later.

That being said, one-nighters, intentional or unintentional as they may be, are different in the postgrad world than in college. The callousness that was acceptable in college seems childish and rude now. Back in college you could kick them out of your bed afterwards, make him or her find their own way home in the morning (even if you had to fake being asleep until they left), or, if you were the guest, bail out in the middle of the night and not even feel bad about it. However, I believe that just because you are having the most casual of encounters with someone doesn’t mean you can’t have some level of decorum. Not that you should make a habit out of one night stands, but when it happens there should be some etiquette involved. Basic, common courtesy can go a long way to diffusing any morning awkwardness.

1. Don’t kick them out unless you feel unsafe with them there.

The latter statement there is not rocket science, although I would assume that if you go home with someone or bring someone to your home you have some level of trust that they are not an axe murderer. But if you feel safe with them there, don’t kick them out when the deed is done. Let them at least sleep off the night, even if you have to put them on the couch. Especially if it’s a girl. The middle of the night in a city is no place for a girl to be alone trying to find a way home. It also leaves the door open for some morning action, so it adds a little practicality to the mix as well.

2. If you’re a guest, don’t bail in the middle of the night unless you feel unsafe.

This is similar to number one, from the guest’s perspective. Sure, it may seem like it may be convenient to the other person, and in some cases, it might be, but it could potentially also make the other person feel like shit. It won’t kill you to pass out at their place and go home in the morning unless you have somewhere to be early. What good can really come from a 4 a.m. Uber ride that would make it so much better than an 8 a.m. Uber ride?

3. Be respectful of their property.

This is obvious, but I’m talking to belligerent drunks out there. You know who you are. That’s a one-way trip to being an exception to rule #1.

4. Offer them a drink.

Water. Coffee in the morning. Hell, orange juice. Something. They just let you touch their most intimate of regions, so the least you could do is not have them die of thirst in bed. Also, if you’re trying to get them out in the morning, coffee and OJ will very obviously help them get moving. They most likely have places to be, too, like lying in bed eating a whole pizza and binge watching Californication.

5. Give them a ride home.

Yeah, it’s inconvenient. Yeah, it can be awkward. But if you followed rules 1 through 4, it’ll be far less awkward or not awkward at all. Unless you have early plans or they live too far out of the way, it’s a nice gesture to drive them home, even if you’ll never see them again. It’s the right thing to do. Besides, it gives you an excuse to grab a Chick Fil A on your way home.

The rest is up to you. If you want their number or something more than what had previously transpired, do your thing. If not, at least make it a pleasant and cordial experience rather than a cruel or extremely awkward one.

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