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Real Monkeys Mourn Dead Robot Monkey Inserted Into Habitat By Dick Humans

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The BBC has a new TV show where they put camera-equipped fake animals into nature with real animals to capture footage sans human interaction. That’s where the below video came from. The monkeys in the video are called “langurs.”

It’s getting a little dusty in here. Is someone cutting onions? I’m not crying; you’re crying.

This is exactly the kind of bullshit that Emperor Trump will put a stop to — selfish scientists poking their goddamn noses around in nature where they don’t belong. Let those monkeys live, man. Why you gotta be inserting a creepy animatronic imposter and fucking up their community? Sad!

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The real monkey that dropped that fake monkey probably intentionally overdosed on painkillers because he was tortured by guilt. That little stunt ruined at least an entire monkey day for this monkey squad, maybe even a monkey week. Instead of doing dope shit like flinging poo, picking bugs off each other’s backs, and furiously masturbating, they’re stuck standing around and grieving at this robot monkey funeral.

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You heard the video — they had “taken Spy Monkey into the heart of the family.” They made her part of their fucking family! They were trying to babysit her and shit! Not cool, you heartless dicks. Not cool at all.

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RIP Spy Monkey (2017-2017).

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover podcast, psychotic Rockets fan, fair-weather Astros fan, and sad Texans fan.

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