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Ranking The Ballcaps Of Every MLB Playoff Team

Regarding the current home field caps of the 10 teams in the 2014 MLB postseason, from first to last:

1. Detroit Tigers

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I am biased, but the Tigers’ solid navy and white could not exude any more class and sophistication. It IS baseball. Some might argue that the Yankee cap is superior, but they’d be wrong. Detroit is for everyone. It represents an American struggle. But if you’re not from New York or you don’t have family who is from New York and you wear a New York Yankees cap, you’re a dick.

In all fairness though, #RE2PECT.

Also in fairness, Donnie Baseball is my favorite player of all time.

2. Oakland Athletics*

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I’m an A’s fan, and this team’s classic white on green with gold two-tone cap is such a beautiful thing, I’ve actually considered buying one. (However, you’ll hear about my opinions on two-tone MLB caps further down the list.) As a diehard Detroit supporter, I fear that I’d never allow myself to leave the house in this hat if I bought one.

*The A’s were eliminated as I wrote this.

3. Los Angeles Dodgers

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True blue. It’s a classic. Don Mattingly is my favorite baseball player of all time. Most importantly to this ranking, though, is that I go to a lot of Dodgers games and I don’t want to get stabbed or assaulted for writing something. Amazing cap.

4. Pittsburgh Pirates

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I dig the Pirates, and that’s one hardass ball cap. It means business.

I don’t know why Pittsburgh decided to put that hideous, white shadow and black outline around the “P” on its alternate. It makes the cap look AAA–or worse, like a bootleg version from a swap meet made by Nu-Era. When it comes to sports uniforms, less is more. That simple, gold “P” was doing just fine by itself.

5. San Francisco Giants

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The clean orange on black is such and menacing color combination. However, I have to give demerits due to the fact that I can’t look at it without thinking of Barry Bonds. Further demerits given for the alternate color combination featuring an orange bill. Most two-tone caps that aren’t of the heritage variety give off an air of immature, novelty rubbish, and they are better suited for children or NFL teams.

6. Baltimore Orioles

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Another exception to my rule of “multi-tone MLB caps can bite my dick” is the THREE-tone classic Orioles cap. It is an amazing piece of MLB wearable history, comparable to The Iron Man’s crown, and its resurgence was a welcomed replacement to the former hipster “put a bird on it” version that was better suited as a design on a pillow from Urban Outfitters.

7. Kansas City Royals

jarrod-dyson-reving-it-up

While it’s not perfect aesthetically in typeface, the KC cap’ll do, pig. It’ll do. Also, George Goddamn Brett wore this cap, and whatever is good enough for Mr. Double-Tapered Shit is good enough for me.

Note: George is wearing a BP cap in the video, so save yourself from being a smartass know-it-all in the comments. But, if you haven’t seen this, do yourself a favor:

Congratulations to PGP’s own Mr. Brian McGannon for the win last night.

8. Washington Nationals

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Ever since my buddy’s girlfriend pointed out that their cap makes the Nationals look like they play for Walgreens, I can’t get over it.

9. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

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No. The whole kit falls into the expansion-looking garbage pile with the Rockies, Marlins, and Diamondbacks. No.

10. St. Louis Cardinals

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Unless we’re talking Ozzie Smith in a blue V-neck pullover jersey, I ain’t got time for the Cardinals.

Images via Instagram

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Mike Burns

Mike Burns is a comedian, author, and writer of television. He was born in Saginaw, MI and lives in Los Angeles, via Chicago via New York. Mike graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in Advertising that he threw in the trash. He's also the creator of @DadBoner and the author of "Power Moves: Livin’ The American Dream, USA Style by Karl Welzein."

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