Questions From The Chase: “The Wave Of Rejection”

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Questions From The Chase:

Get caught up on The Chase, here.

Alright, so, I got a question Tumblr account last night. Not totally sure why anyone would want dating advice from someone who fucks up as badly and as often as I do, but hey, what are you gonna do?

Anonymous asked: Yo Johnny, I’ve been reading your stuff for a while now and you’re definitely my favorite author at ppg. I just read the most recent installment of the chase and that feeling of rejection struck close to home. I moved to Nola about a year ago partially to be with a girl I was dating, partially because it’s a cool town. Anyway, things went south with this girl and I’m in the wake of the rejection wave. You seem to brush these things off, any advice for a dude in the same rejection wake?

I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. You obviously know that I’ve been rejected before, but it’s a little bit different when you’re getting broken up with by someone you’ve been in a relationship with for a long period of time. Please also note that I am in no way claiming to be some sort of relationship expert. As you can tell from reading my columns, even when I do succeed, I inevitably mess it up in some way down the line. But so it goes.

It sounds like you and your ex-girlfriend were fairly serious if you moved down to NOLA to be with her, so here’s what I’ll say — I haven’t been in a committed, long-term relationship since college. I’m about a year-and-a-half removed from that whole mess, but here’s the story: I dated a girl for two years, and she broke up with me just before I left for an internship a very long ways away from where we were. It was fucking awful. I moped around my new city (where I knew absolutely no-one) for a few weeks before I was able to get out of my funk. If you need to take some time for yourself, do it. Buy yourself some cool shit or go spend time with friends. If you’ve lived in NOLA for a year, I’m assuming you’ve got a crew of guys that you can bro out and crush Miller Lites. Or Bud Lights. Or whatever the hell your drink of choice is. Surrounding yourself with people helps. You don’t want to be alone in your apartment with your thoughts. It’s no good.

But also, don’t feel like you need to go out and hit the bar immediately either because although alcohol and drugs will probably stop you from tossing and turning at night and thinking about her, it’s not going to change the fact that your ex is still living her life. She’s going to do things without you. That is the idea behind a breakup. Those are the breaks.

This is shitty but true: you need to give her some space. No calling, no texting, no fucking Snapchats. Nothing. If you need to delete her number and block her on all forms of social media, do it. The worst thing you can do right now is call her. It makes you look desperate. I know these things because I did them. I was the desperate, drunk idiot calling my ex asking her why she wouldn’t be with me anymore. It sounds like a good idea in your head, but I promise you it isn’t. Let things cool down, and who knows? Maybe in a few months time you guys will reconcile and get back together. But immediately following a breakup, give it a rest. Work on yourself.

Now for the fun part. If you’re simply looking to hook up, it’s a numbers game, my man. If you’re willing to stay out late (I’m assuming NOLA bars are open all hours of the day?) and lower your standards a little bit as it gets later and later and you get progressively drunker, you will eventually find someone that is looking to have sex just like you. Most likely no strings attached and you’ll be back in bed alone by early afternoon at the latest after bringing her back to your place.

If you’re looking for something more long term, I’d really suggest dating apps like Hinge or Bumble. If that’s not your thing, go the old fashioned route and just approach girls in public. You’d be surprised how many girls have told me they weren’t interested in me but encouraged me to keep it up because the confidence was attractive to them. Walking up and saying something to her is all you have to do. It doesn’t have to be a pickup line. Literally anything. Once you get past being intimidated by these girls, getting rejected is not a big deal. The very worst thing a girl is going to say to you is “no.” You get rejected once, you move down the bar or leave for a different venue and you rinse and repeat. I hope this helps you out a little bit. Take care.

Feel free to send anything my way through Twitter, my Tumblr, or by e-mailing me.

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