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Postgrad Life: Expectations vs. Reality

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Expectation: “I’m gonna have so much money.”
Reality: “I’m gonna spend so much money.”

Expectation: “Working in a cubicle won’t be THAT bad.”
Reality: “If I hear Deborah talk about her cat one more time I’m going to skin that little shit alive.”

Expectation: “Work is going to be so much easier than college.”
Reality: “Work is harder than college, and there isn’t nearly as much casual sex to balance the equation.”

Expectation: “I’m actually really excited about this job, guys.”
Reality: “Is it Friday yet?”

Expectation: “Rush hour is going to suck in the morning, but I can handle it.”
Reality: “FUCK YOU DOUCHE USE YOUR GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH BLINKER!”

Expectation: “I’m going to try to take it easy and drink less during the week.”
Reality: “Happy hour anyone?”

Expectation: “I’m just gonna move out there and figure out my furniture later.”
Reality: “It’s been four weeks and we still don’t have a living room couch.”

Expectation: “I wouldn’t be caught dead in a hybrid car.”
Reality: “38 miles to the gallon!? Hold on a second…”

Expectation: “I’ll just wake up early and get a workout in.”
Reality: “If I wake up at exactly 8:46am, I’ll never be late.”

Expectation: “I’ll be just fine without my parents.”
Reality: “MOMMM, how do you file taxes/cook spaghetti/fold a button down shirt?”

Expectation: “My new car is going to be awesome.”
Reality: “My new car is going to be inexpensive and practical.”

Expectation: “There’s no way I’m going to get in a relationship anytime soon.”
Reality: “Well, she cooks me dinner and has sex with me anytime I want, so yeah I guess we’re dating.”

Expectation: “Paying all these student loans off will be a breeze.”
Reality: “Were all of these payments really worth that extra night of drinking during the week?”

Expectation: “Making new friends won’t be that hard.”
Reality: “Vincent from Tech Support is the only person I know.”

Expectation: “If I’m really trying to party, I’m sure finding some drugs will be easy.”
Reality: “Just bought a fresh bottle of ZzzQuil, so I’m set for the next few weeks.”

Expectation: “I’ve got a nice long lunchbreak, can’t wait to try some of the local eats.”
Reality: “How many homemade turkey and swiss sandwiches can a man eat before he goes insane?”

Expectation: “Hooking up was easy for me in college, I doubt post grad life will be any different.”
Reality: “I right swipe every single girl I see on Tinder. I’m just trying to get laid, man.”

Expectation: “How the hell do I file my taxes?”
Reality: “How the hell do I file my taxes?”

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Joe Nullet

Joe is a writer for Post Grad Problems and TotalFratMove who enjoys an after-work Yuengling just as much as the next guy. He still doesn't own a box spring for his bed, but if you know a guy who is selling one he's definitely interested.

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