Between the crushing monotony of everyday life and the paralyzing fear of ever actually pursuing your dreams, plenty of issues arise on a daily basis that we here at Post Grad Problems connect with on multiple levels.
Fortunately, there’s hope on the horizon. Bud Light is looking to eliminate all moments of anguish. Their plan? Create a town where your tedious problems are replaced with moments of pure fantasy: Whatever, USA. Prove you’re up for whatever at UpForWhatever.com for a chance to go.
Below are problems you will no longer have to concern yourself with in Whatever, USA.
Whenever someone emails me with a question, it takes every ounce of my willpower not to answer, “I have no freaking idea, dude.” PGP.
You go through it every day, BS’ing your way through one email after the other. All you want to do is set your fantasy lineup, but Danielle from marketing won’t stop pestering you with irrelevant questions. You respond with so many business buzz terms (synergy, ballpark, sustainability) that eventually, you forget what you were addressing in the first place.
Getting passive-aggressive comments about not contributing to the break room/party fund. PGP.
Nothing says “party” quite like an office celebration. Fifteen people hover around a break room table, joylessly singing happy birthday before stuffing their mouths full of $20 cake. You didn’t think much of it until three or four coworkers commented on your lack of participation. You are now the office grouch because you thought it was a bad idea to get the guy with type 2 diabetes sweets.
They still haven’t approved my vacation time. PGP.
You submitted it months ago, but the one week of vacation your soulless company has graciously bestowed onto you has still not been approved. You’re meeting your college buddies in Vegas tomorrow. It’s a game of risk you had no intention of playing, but you’ll be damned if you miss out on Vegas. What happens in Vegas…hopefully doesn’t set you even further back once unemployed.
Needing two to three years experience for every entry level job, which makes absolutely no sense. PGP.
Classic job description. These applicants with two to three years of experience sure are aiming high.
Learning to check the left hand when conversing with a member of the opposite sex. PGP.
Remember the good old days when a girl told you she had a boyfriend and you rightfully responded with the “I have a goldfish” line? Now you’re a home wrecker if you pull that card. Ironically, married women are typically the most friendly, as they’re happy for any attention their husbands aren’t giving them. Looking for that ring has now become a top priority on your flirting checklist.
Working hard all day…to make sure your fantasy lineup is set just right. PGP.
Honestly, you have, what, maybe two hours of real work maximum? You use the other six hours of the workday focusing on picking up that second string running back who’ll become the starter after a season-ending injury to the guy ahead of him. The next week you’ll kick yourself for overanalyzing the matchup and not going with your typical lineup.
It’s 1:30 and I haven’t really done anything today. PGP.
See above. There are literally days where you’d be more productive not coming into work at all.
Talking about the bar at work, talking about work at the bar. PGP.
One of the small pleasures for a cubicle warrior is happy hour. You look forward to it because it’s a little spice added to your every day mundane life. The problem is, once you get there, all you seem to talk about is work. Whether you’re with co-workers, who you otherwise would never associate with, or your buddies, work generally dominates the conversation. Escaping work seems harder than going through the nine levels of Dante’s inferno.
Thinking of every purchase’s cost in terms of hours spent at the office. PGP.
Whether you’re paid hourly or you’re a corporate salary drone, breaking down purchases based on time spent in the office is an American pastime. Happy hour can easily go from an hour or two of work to a bender that runs you back a few days. Purchasing that kegerator seems like a good idea at first, but when you break down the numbers, it’s simply not worth the labor.
Tindering in the bathroom stall. PGP.
This is the new low your love life has come to. Keep swiping right my friends, there’s someone out there for even you.