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Please Stop With The Choreographed Wedding Performances

Please Stop With The Choreographed Wedding Performances

There are a lot of things I love about weddings: the flowers, the dresses, the dancing, the open bar. But for each of the things I love, there is something I equally hate: sitting at the singles table having to wear something other than an oversized t-shirt and leggings is not ideal. Carrying on a ten-minute conversation with Aunt Betty about her cankle pain is terrible and being hit on by the old guy from your office that is in the midst of his third divorce is even worse. But there is one new wedding trend that I hate above all others: the choreographed performance.

I’ve done some (absolutely non-scientific) research and I’ve traced this trend back to this couple, Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz, who in July 2009, danced down the aisle at their wedding to Chris Brown’s “Forever.”

The video, which has over 93 million views, kicked off the trend of “surprise wedding performances,” although they are so commonplace now it’s hardly a surprise when the music starts and the wedding party takes their places. In the years since the soon-to-be Heinzs danced down the aisle (ironically to a song sung by a guy convicted of felony assault of his girlfriend), we’ve seen everything from a “Magic Mike” garter removal to a Beyoncé-themed bridal performance. And while some of these routines are actually quite good, I think I speak for everyone when I say that everyone needs to stop with the choreographed performances at weddings.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but honestly, I’m over it. This isn’t your fifth-grade talent show. It’s not America’s Best Dance Crew.It’s your freaking wedding – the biggest day of your life thus far. It’s an event that will only happen once in your lifetime (if you’re lucky).

Yes, it’s a day that’s all about you, the bride and groom, and you should be able to do whatever you want. But exactly how many of you have been just dying to recreate the lift from Dirty Dancing? Don’t lie – none of you (as a couple) have. Instead, having one of these performances at your wedding is the “new thing” and therefore, everyone is doing it. And just like rustic themes and marryoke, it just needs to stop.

And why, exactly? Why does this one particular trend drive me absolutely nuts? Well, for starters, I’m already forced to watch four other dances at your wedding: your first dance, the bride’s dance with her father, the groom’s dance with his mother, and your final dance. To be frank, watching people dance is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Therefore, aside from those long-held traditional dances, the only other dancing I want to be forced to watch is my own booty shaking to the newest Bruno Mars jam.

But more importantly than my own annoyance at these carefully coordinated time wasters is the fact that they totally diminish why we are there to begin with. If I wanted to see you awkwardly dance to “Can’t Stop The Feeling,” we could all just go to the bar on a Friday night instead of throwing a $40,000 event. Your wedding is meant to celebrate your marriage, not make a viral video. While being internet famous is cool for a while, being married is forever (maybe). And shouldn’t that be the focus of your day?

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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