“Peace By Mimosas,” An Al Pacino-Inspired Speech For Your Hangover

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"Peace By Mimosas," An Al Pacino-Inspired Speech For Your Hangover

I don’t know what to say, really. It was a three-day weekend, one of the biggest social events of the year, and it’s all come down to today. Now either we brunch as a team or we’re gonna crumble. Bloody by bloody, mimosa by mimosa, ’til we’re finished.

We’re in hell right now, gentlemen, believe me. And, we can stay here — get the shit kicked out of us — or we can fight our way back into our buzz. We can climb outta this hangover one weakly-made cocktail at a time.

Now, I can’t do it for you. I’m too hungover. I look around. I see these puffy faces, and I think — I mean — I made every wrong choice a mid-20s man can make this weekend. I, uh, I pissed away all my money on those shots, believe it or not. I chased off any girl who I ever had a chance with at happy hour. And this morning, I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know, when you get drunk things get taken from you. I mean, that’s… part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out partying is a game of cocktails. So is being hungover. Because in either scenario, parties or hangovers, the margin for error is so small — I mean one-half of a pitcher too much, or too little, and you don’t quite make it. One vodka-soda too early, too late, you don’t quite remember it.

The mimosas we need are everywhere around us.

They’re in every bar around us, every restaurant, every cooler.

In this group of friends, we fight for that mimosa. In this group, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that mimosa. We claw with our fingernails for that mimosa, because we know when we add up all those mimosas, that’s gonna make the fuckin’ difference between being hungover and buzzed again! Between livin’ and dyin’!

I’ll tell you this: in any hangover, it’s the guy who’s willing to order bottomless mimosas who’s gonna win that Sunday. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willin’ to order another round after we’ve gotten our check. Because that’s what livin’ is! The six mimosas at brunch!

Now I can’t make you do it. You got to look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes! Now I think you’re gonna see a guy who will drink that mimosa with you. You’re gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for your friendship because he knows, when it comes down to it, you’re gonna do the same for him!

That’s brunch, gentleman.

And, either we drink, now, as friends, or we will be hungover as individuals.

That’s brunch, guys.

That’s all it is.

Now, what are you gonna do?

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