Let me preface this article by saying I know country music. It’s been engrained in me since I first rode home from the hospital as an infant. I love the genre as a whole, and I appreciate all of its sub-genres as well. My roots go back into bluegrass and folk, and my personal breed of country is outlaw country and southern rock. I can appreciate the transformation of country music in the 1990s, and I can even handle listening to bro-country. Yeah, I said it. There is, however, one “genre” of country music that I absolutely cannot stand. This “genre” consists of one artist from Australia. Do you know who I’m talking about? My feelings for him are strong.
Keith Urban sucks.
He is trash. Have you heard this new song called “The Fighter”? It sounds like Calvin Harris and Katy Perry. Really. If you haven’t listened to it, don’t. Please do yourself a favor and just don’t.
Today’s country fans will read this and immediately think I’m some traditionalist loser who “can’t keep up with the times” and refuses to embrace change. You’re wrong. While I of course listen to Conway Twitty, Merle Haggard, and George Jones, this is not where it stops for me. Before I dive in to my hatred of the Australian pansy with straightened hair, I would like to build my country snob credibility a little further. I listen to traditional country, outlaw country, southern rock, country pop, dancefloor country, Texas country, honky tonk, and the list goes on and on. I will even listen to hick-hop. So that means on a daily basis I will listen to people like George Strait, Alan Jackson, Shania Twain, Kenny Chesney, Waylon Jennings, Chris Stapleton, Rae Lynn, Aaron Lewis, Alabama, Justin Moore, and I could go on, and on, and on. I’ll even listen to Sam Hunt. I can respect what he’s doing. I literally listen to all kinds of country music, and I appreciate all of it, except for one guy.
I really fucking hate Keith Urban.
You know, some of his music isn’t even all that bad. Do I catch myself humming along to some of his older songs when they pop up on the radio? Unfortunately, yes. But I still can’t stand him. Hearing Keith Urban sing lights a fire deep down in my soul that it angers me more than when people drive slow in the left lane. Speaking of lanes, Keith Urban needs to stay in his own, because country music is not a lane that he belongs in.
I know, he’s talented, or he wouldn’t be a multi-millionaire married to Nicole Kidman. He just irks me. For example, take “Blue Ain’t Your Color” and let’s analyze. Pretty good song if he wasn’t singing it. I’ve listened to countless covers and would take every single one over his version because I hate hearing him sing that much. Plus, why is he saying “ain’t”? He better not start stealing our slang. He looks like a skinny Billy Ray Cyrus mixed with Owen Wilson wearing eyeliner. He’s piggybacking off an American genre with deep tradition and roots and then just taking a shit on it with his disco techno trash “The Fighter” and I will not stand for it.
I know, he’s successful and has a lot of fans. He can sing and play guitar. His life shits on mine. I get that, but I still hate him. Fuck you, Keith Urban.
If y’all want to hear some good country music from guys on the rise, all with different sounds, check out Luke Combs, Jon Langston, Jon Pardi, Whiskey Myers, and Granger Smith. Just please, don’t listen to Keith Urban, because Keith Urban sucks..
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