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Nobody Wants To Watch That ‘Hilarious’ YouTube Video You Found So Stop Asking

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There’s a pivotal moment in a conversation like the one I’m about to describe. It’s just after the question is asked and the onus shifts to you and you alone. Do you risk saying you’ve seen it and then blow your cover when your buddy wants to talk about the video in detail? Or do you bite the bullet and watch the video that you’re not going to find funny out of politeness to your friend? The choice, of course, is yours, but it’s a difficult one.

I learned long ago that there is only one way to handle a conversation like this one.

Friend: “Hey, have you seen so and so’s video on ‘bullshit you probably don’t care about’? So funny.”

You: “Ha. Yeah, I saw it. Really great stuff.”

Let’s get one thing straight before I move forward. I wouldn’t trade the friends I have for anything. They’re all great in their own unique way and much more importantly than that, starting over now from scratch and trying to find a completely new set of friends would be extremely difficult and time-consuming. I don’t have time for that. As with anyone in this world, all of my friends have flaws. And the biggest mistake any one of the people who I refer to as a friend makes is trying to show me a “funny” video they’ve seen on the internet. I don’t know why. I can’t explain the reasoning behind, but I always get annoyed when someone tries to show me a video that they just think is the end-all be-all of funny.

If you’re lucky, your stupid fucking friend who wanted to show you a stupid fucking youtube video won’t push it. They won’t delve into the intricacies of the three or four-minute video or start quoting lines from it. Usually, if you want to get away with a lie about already seeing a video, you’ve got to make the other person believe that you have seen it.

Deflect questions about the video back on them so they have to answer, and then form a generic opinion about whatever it is you’re talking about which will (hopefully) get them to shut the hell up about it.

Now that I’m really thinking about this, the video could be as short as thirty seconds long. I still don’t want to see it. In 2017, a thirty-second YouTube video is basically a feature length film. Just far too much to ask of someone to watch any sort of video that long. And thirty seconds is if you’re lucky.

This problem always seems to happen when you’re pregaming at someone’s apartment or sitting in a bar that isn’t as crowded as you would like it to be. The best response to a “hey, have you seen this video? Hold on I’ll pull it up for you” is a harsh one. You’ve got to be assertive even if it seems a little bit rash.

“No, I haven’t seen that dumbass video and guess what, Greg? I don’t want to see it. I don’t care how funny it is, now is not the time. Get your phone out of my face.”

I really don’t why I get like this about people showing me videos that they find super funny and popular. There’s a good chance that the video is super funny and also popular. Maybe it’s my subconscious being petty and acting like I don’t need to see it because I didn’t watch it first and tell people about it.

That probably plays a part in all of this, but I think the main reason is that in this day and age it’s just unreasonable to ask someone to watch any video that is over ten seconds long. I find myself getting really rattled when anyone asks me to watch something over ten seconds long. What am I, a scientist? Our attention spans are at an all-time low and nobody has time for something longer than a vine.

It doesn’t help that when a person wants to show you a video they leer over your shoulder while you watch, anticipating laughter with a weird smile on their face and putting even more pressure on the already volatile situation. It feels like sometimes when you’re getting shown a video like this you have to laugh for fear of offending the person who suggested you watch it.

It’s fucked up and it’s incredibly annoying that we can’t just tell someone the truth. “Nope, I haven’t seen that video and to be honest with you I don’t care to see it.” That’s all it would take. But we’ll never be there. That’s far too straight forward and honest in a world full of back stabbers, manipulators, and snakes in the grass.

The best you can hope for is the advice I’ve given you. Just lie and say you’ve already seen it and leave it at that. No one should be subjected to watching a Youtube video that they don’t want to watch in 2017.

Image via Youtube

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Johnny D

fashion icon. @dudaronomy on twitter. e-mail: jduda10@gmail.com

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