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New York Trying To Stake Claim In The BBQ War Is Hilarious

New York Trying To Stake Claim In The BBQ War Is Hilarious

I was looking forward to saving all my food takes for my eventual Facebook Live show where I destroy every single idiotic recipe video Buzzfeed puts out, but Eater went and poked the bear. They went and done it with this dumbass tweet:

It is absolutely OUTRAGEOUS to declare New York City the new barbeque capital of America when the damn subhead says a new restaurant is serving TEXAS-STYLE BEEF. I’m here to defend this piss poor attempt at a cavalry charge by EAST COAST ELITES into America’s meat belt. New York trying to get into the big leagues of barbeque is like New York trying to get into a “best smelling city in August” contest or the cost of living Olympics. You lose that battle. You lose that battle infinity times out of infinity.

I’m here to defend our territory. I will fight for the Heartland.

I’m a barbeque man born and bred in a place where the streets run with sweet and smoky goodness. Where men named Arthur Bryant and Ollie Gates are royalty. I lived in Texas where I was in a constant state of beef sweats for two and a half years. I’ve picked ribs from Rendezvous out of my teeth on the drive home from Memphis. I’ve dabbled in The Carolinas, where I grew to love a little vinegar and slaw on my meat. New York will never lay claim to smoked supremacy, not as long as they try to appropriate our low and slow culture.

NYC is the culinary capital of America. No doubt about it. Let me tell you something, Mean Gene. In the Great American Bash of BBQ, there is no second place. There’s only the top tier of KC, Texas, Memphis and Carolina. No Johnny-come-lately can smite the Four Horsemen from their rightful place atop the mountain.

If DC United started using Barcelona’s style of play, I wouldn’t be ready to declare Washington the Capital of Soccer. Just because some chef in Brooklyn decided to nicely plate Texas-style brisket doesn’t make New York the brand new Mecca of savory animal proteins. I’m here to burn down their playhouse and piss on this grand throne of lies.

You come at the kings, you best not miss. Stay in your lane.

*Feel free to send me a care package so I can decide for myself

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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