I never grew up in a neighborhood that had an active homeowners’ association, but I can tell you after reading some stories about these neighborhood mobsters, I will actively seek to avoid them as I advance further into adulthood.
I was perusing the depths of the Content Mines on Reddit this morning when this story crossed my face. It reminded me of the Every Day Struggle™ adults deal with on a daily basis. Without spoiling anything, let me share with you one of my favorite HOA stories of all-time.
So a while back I was given a UGA Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day in which the team is playing. My intention was to only fly it on Saturdays when the football team was playing. So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday.
On Friday I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one. I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn’t be true because I took it down on Monday. Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad.
I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.
I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again. I would call on each one and explain that the water polo team had a match, or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.
You can’t fly a team flag unless they have a game that day? What in the actual fuck is that bullshit? Are these arbitrary, nit-picky bullshit NeighborhoodLaws™ common? Who the hell is patrolling the neighborhood, making sure all sports flags are in compliance with these stupid rules? God damn, dude. I would say you should move away, but that’s giving up. Your only goal from here on out should be to make the HOA despise you even more.
You have to appreciate that small act of retaliation. If we went through life dealing with the constant bullshit being hurled at us from all different directions, we’d go insane..
Image via YouTube